we keep this love in a photograph

Chapter 24

Jennie,

I know that it probably won't make you feel better to come home to this, but there are a lot of things I don't know how to say to you. I'd probably cry before I could even get a word out and I didn't want to make it any harder than it had to be. I know I could just as easily have emailed you, or called you as soon as I got here - I still will - but some things are better said when they're written down. I thought that maybe the photos would help show it; they're just a few of the hundreds that I've taken over the past seven months, and a few out of the thousands I plan on taking in the future.

Truthfully, I'm dreading going back. More than I ever have before, because this time I'm leaving you behind too. I didn't think it would feel any different, but this time it's especially bitter, because I love you and I'm the one that's hurting you. It hurts me too, even though I know it's not forever. It's only nine months, which seems like forever right now, but it'll go faster than we think. The thought of coming home to you will be all I need to get through it - and I will come home, I can promise you that much.

I guess I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am to you for the past seven months. I never got to tell you how grateful I was because we thought we'd have more time, but I really am. Because of you, I have truly known what it's like to be loved and I will be grateful for that forever. Thank you.

I know I made you do all those silly things you'd never done before, and I want you to know that it has meant the world to me that we could do them together. Maybe a part of me was being selfish and wanted those moments for myself too, knowing that this would happen and wanting to feel like we had a year in a handful of months. I'll cherish every memory of those days and all the moments we spent together in between. The photos are a testament to that.

For so long, I photographed all the beautiful things I saw and all the ordinary moments that I didn't want to take for granted. I wanted to appreciate the hand that life dealt. But you - you're the most beautiful thing I've ever photographed and I wanted to leave you something to prove that. No matter what happens, we have proof that we loved each other, and in these pages, I won't ever let you go.

I know there's no point in telling you not to worry about me, because that would be like telling me not to worry about you. I know you probably won't be sleeping and you'll be at work all the time, but you should try and enjoy life a little bit more - for me. Just know, I'll be fighting every day to come home to you because we still have a lifetime to spend together and nothing can take that away from us. Not even silly little stories on what's going on over here.

You can probably tell that I've been crying while writing this - hopefully you can still make out what I said. There's so much more to say but I'll end it here. Just know that I love you more than you even know and I'll never stop - I'm certain of it. This is going to be hard, I know that, and I'm dreading it, but please hold onto the hope that I'll come home. Once I'm back, I'll never have to leave again. I still have the empty pages in the album to fill up with our new memories.

Yours always,
Rosie x