we keep this love in a photograph

Chapter 57

To Rosie,

Happy Valentine's Day! It feels strange to think we've known each other for a year now, and this year we get to celebrate this day together. Did we really meet so close to Valentine's Day and not spend it together? If only we'd known. Of course, this will be the first time for me, and as always, I'm glad it's with you. That day you sat at my table, I never would've thought that in a year's time I'd be sending a cheesy card with a heart on it and feeling so giddy at the thought of you, but here I am. We're so close now, I can feel it. It makes me nervous and excited and I feel like I'm going to explode whenever I think about it too much. For so long, this is the thing I've been holding onto to keep me going and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when you're back. Probably never let you go again.

Thinking about how this could possibly be the last letter that I send you over there is a funny feeling. It's about two weeks away now (I'm assuming this got to you in time to open today) and I think it'll be strange to be able to say all of my thoughts to you as I have them. This won't be the last letter that I ever write to you though, because why shouldn't I write to you when you're home too? They're not really love letters, and I'm sorry I can't write all that sappy shit for you because of the way I am, but I'd write you a letter every day if it meant I could see the look on your face when I give it to you.

Do you remember that night you took me to the carnival? You dragged me onto the Ferris wheel and I didn't tell you I was afraid of heights because you were so excited about it. How it feels right now, waiting for you to come home, is the same feeling. Those butterflies right at the very top, that feeling when your stomach lurches and you feel a little breathless because you're nervous about what happens next but the thrill is exciting. Although, now that I think about it, those butterflies probably had less to do with how frightened I was hanging thirty feet above the ground and more to do with how much I liked you, and how I felt like I was a nervous wreck because I'd never liked anyone before. And you made us do that silly love test machine and it lit up all the way to the top and then I ruined it with the science behind how it works. I wanted to kick myself but I was so scared of reading into things that I didn't want to think you were flirting with me.

Well, look at us now. You were right and we really are meant to be, because everything has miraculously worked out better than I could've planned it myself. You'll come home safely and we'll be back together and we're going to be happy. God, we're going to be so happy, Rosie, I just know it. This is the end of all the struggling and the worrying; the minute you get back we're going to start the rest of forever.

Not to get too ahead of myself though, because like I said, we probably still have two weeks by the time this reaches you, but I'm so excited - in case you couldn't tell. That's not like me, I know, and I know I've been stressed and worried sick the entire time you've been gone, but I almost feel like I don't have to worry anymore because you'll be home in no time. What's two weeks compared to how long you've been gone? It'll be the most agonising wait of my life but I've waited longer. I'll still be worried sick, of course - you know me - but it all feels so soon that it's starting to feel real. Finally, everything we've talked about will be here.

You better not ruin my plans for us, Roseanne Park. You better keep your head down and make it back to me like you promised. I love you more than I can explain in a letter, but trust me that I love you so much. Possibly more than you will ever know, but I'll try my best to show you. I'll prove it every day.

Love always, Jennie xxx