we keep this love in a photograph

Chapter 42

To my fiancée,

How weird is that? We're getting married! If there was anything that could motivate me to do everything within my power to make it back home, it's the thought of spending the rest of my life with you. I would have fought to make it back to you anyway, but the future we'll map out together has made the stakes even higher. Not even death would be able to hold me back at this point, I promise you that.

I know you don't want me to go, and I don't want to go either, but I want to start by saying thank you. A big part of why I kept doing this job was the fear of having no direction, of having no future, no career or life - not even an apartment - for me to come back to in San Francisco. Now, I'm not so scared of being lost, because now I have a home and a life and I have you. I know the next four months will be difficult - for both of us - but you've made it bearable for me.

I thought it would be easier this time though, but I think it's going to be harder. Right now, I can hear you downstairs while I finish getting ready, and all I can think about is how much I love that sound. For the next few months, all I'll think about is the sound of you making coffee or breakfast in the kitchen, your footsteps on the stairs, the smell of your perfume and the detergent they use at the dry cleaners, of that little, infuriating scar and the way your hands are always so cold in mine. I have hours left to appreciate it all - but trust me, I will.

I've been thinking a lot lately about our time together and how weird it seems that we've only known each other for less than a year. Doesn't that seem strange to you? And yet I know without a shadow of a doubt that you're the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I thought about proposing a lot while I was away, planning it out, figuring out what I'd say, and of course, I couldn't quite get the words out properly but I've never felt so certain about anything before. The entire time we were at my mom's house I had to stop myself from popping the question about twenty times.

I'm glad I did it before I went back though; it'll make the next four months have more meaning. And just think about how fast the last four months went (I know they didn't feel like it, but in hindsight, it feels so fast) and how much we have to look forward to once this is all behind us. I know it's asking a lot, but please try not to worry about me - Ashley's story might have made you worry more, but we have our own story to tell, so just wait for me to come home. I'll be counting down the days until I'm back for good and then we can start the rest of forever. Just a little while longer. I love you more than you will ever know – more than there are stars in the sky or something cheesy like that that I know you're rolling your eyes at right now. It's true though.

I love you, Jennie Kim.

Yours always,
Rosie xxx