we keep this love in a photograph

Chapter 49

Two days before Christmas, Jennie was zipping up a leather overnight bag and eyeing the other one nearby filled with gifts, wearing an olive turtleneck as rain speckled the window panes and she stubbornly refused to acknowledge the thick coat waiting to be donned as they descended into Portland. Snow was a given in Oregon at this time of year, and while she enjoyed the cold weather, it felt bleaker than usual to be spending the holidays without Rosie.

Still, the prospect of Christmas in a small town was a novelty for Jennie, some made-up scenario in her head with a log fire and puffer vests and paper snowflake decorations while children sang carols in town. She attributed that amusing picture she painted to the abundance of Hallmark movies she'd been forced to watch over the past week. The reality was most likely going to be too much food, too much drink and the same pair of pyjamas for the entire week. It was a welcome change to her usual holidays.

Quiet excitement constricted her chest as she found herself on a plane, doing a crossword as she ate a green apple and periodically stared out at the deep grey clouds. It was the most she'd had to look forward to in a while and Alice and Ashley's good mood was almost infectious. Even as they descended through the snow, it wasn't as grim as Jennie had anticipated, the view obscured through the haze of flakes, but she could still make out the snow-capped trees.

The drive through winding back roads was slow as ice made the asphalt dangerously slippery, almost shining black in the grey and white landscape, and the windows of the private car fogged up from the heat generated by four bodies and a dog. The radio kept cutting in and out with static and Christmas music and Jennie stared thoughtfully out the window, feeling the familiar peace of Portland settle over her as they approached the outer limits of the small snow-dipped town.

It was as she'd imagined, decorations and lights in every window and wrapping around the roofs, piles of white snow and brown slush in the gutters. They passed by a man shovelling snow and people walking outdoors in puffy coats, hats and scarves obscuring most of their faces, and Jennie smiled as they were driven up to the house.

Stepping out of the car, she was slapped by the stinging cold as a ragged wind was pushed in off the coast, shivering after the stifling warmth of the car. The driveway was salted and she was wary as she gingerly walked up the sloping drive, shepherding Athena ahead of her as she worried over the dog's paw pads. Clare was home, smiling as she opened the door, the smell of cinnamon and baking apples drifting out of the door with the heat as she ushered them all inside.

Coats were shed and bags carried upstairs, while Jennie unloaded her gifts beneath the colourful Christmas tree and eyed the stockings along the mantlepiece and the decorative Santa figurines and homemade decorations. There were ones with Rosie's name written on it in large loopy writing and ones where the glitter had flaked away over the years and it struck a pang of warmth and longing in her chest. They'd spoken of kids; maybe she'd get to give it to them.

Sitting in the living room, the shutters closed to the dark clouds and snow sweeping in from the grey sea, they nursed cups of peppermint hot chocolate and played a Christmas movie on the TV which they only half paid attention to while chatting. The excitement of being there was tangible and Jennie found herself laughing and smiling, warm and comfortable with a blanket over her lap, for the first time in weeks.

She made a run to the store with Clare shortly after lunch, picking up a few last-minute things that they needed before the stores closed, including a pie for dessert on Christmas Day. Jennie marvelled at the town as they drove around, completing their errands, quiet in the passenger seat as she held the box with the pie safely in her lap, the trunk and back seats growing fuller with each stop. It was peaceful, Clare's company undemanding and understanding, and Jennie was grateful for it as she made herself useful.