we keep this love in a photograph

Chapter 72

Their first week at Clare's passed by quickly, with Alice and Ashley returning to San Francisco after a few days for work - their shifts had been sporadic at best over the past month, with unpaid leave allowances for bereavement, and then to go to Germany - because they didn't have Jennie's luxury of taking as much time off as they wanted. Jennie arranged for her jet to drop them off and Taeyeon picked them up from the airport, sending Athena back on the jet with the private air hostess so she could head back to Seattle for a few days to check in with her own business.

The arrival of the excitable German Sherpherd seemed to awaken Rosie though, some sort of light going on inside her as she was slobbered over and hounded for scratches under Athena's chin and was brought tennis ball after tennis ball to throw from the back porch when she sat outside. Jennie hadn't even thought that a dog would be able to bring back some life to her, but she would watch from the doorway as Rosie let out hoarse laughs, unusual when they'd been so common before, and cooed in a high-pitched voice, eyes creasing at the corners behind the new glasses Jennie had ordered from her optometrists, as close to her old frames as she could find.

Still, even into the second week there, resting and recuperating as her bones slowly knit themselves back together and she indulged in as much food as she wanted to, a healthier glow to her fuller face and a more serene expression on her face, Rosie was still uncharacetristically morose. Most nights she woke screaming and Jennie would try and put as much distance between them as she could while simultaneously trying to calm her down, trying to stop her thrashing. It was more so out of concern for Rosie's feelings if she hit Jennie again, rather than her own physical wellbeing if she was hit again. Most nights, Jennie slept only a few hours, staying up after the nightmares to hold Rosie as she cried herself back to sleep, whispering nonsense to her until the sun came up - old snatches of poetry, of essays, remembered monologues of TED Talk speeches she'd given, dialogue from plays or novels, lists of what she loved about Rosie or what they were going to do. She got little sleep in those two weeks, but none of that mattered.

Clare was back in work as well, her long hours leaving the two of them alone at home for the most part. Jennie thought she would have craved being home alone with Rosie after so long apart, but instead it just felt impossibly lonely, something she just couldn't comprehend. Rosie was the one person who'd always managed to make her feel anything but alone, and yet there was an insurmountable void between there that their shared ordeal had put between them, both of them on opposite sides of the experience.

After she'd tidied up the kitchen that morning, she went to find Rosie. She was wearing navy blue corduroy shorts, left in the closet from some previous stay, a faded tourist t-shirt from an old trip to Colorado Springs, and there was sand on her bare right foot from where she'd ventured off the porch on crutches. Leaning against the railing, looking golden with her tan and dressed for summer, she could have been ready for the beach, squinting out at the blue waves, her freckled nose wrinkled slightly, and Jennie studied her for a moment, committing it to memory.

"What do you want to do today?" she disturbed her eventually. "We could go somewhere. The diner maybe. The bookstore - there were a few new releases I think you'll like. That new Sally Rooney book seems good."

"I don't mind," Rosie replied, brushing her short hair out of her face as she tipped her face towards the sunlight filtering beneath the roof of the porch.

It was a warm day, April already in the throes of spring, with flowers and bees and birds. Jennie was hoping Rosie would be well enough for a hike in another month, so they could go to that meadow they'd frequented, filling the place with Rosie's laughter once more.

"Well, what do you feel like doing?" Jennie patiently asked, walking over to her and pulling her hair back, kissing the shoulder of her t-shirt. "We can do whatever you like."