Hate to Love You [Ryden]

You're Clueless, Brendon.

Sorry it's been 5 days since I've updated.

I spent the weekend with my parents, but here is an update! 

---

Ryan's Point of View* 

Brendon just asked me to marry him. On stage. The second fucking show of the tour. In front of probably a million and seven people.

I could hardly focus on playing this goddamn guitar or remembering what I was supposed to sing. All I was thinking about was this ring on my finger. And everyone knows I'm gay now. They know that Brendon is gay. Fuck, they probably know that Spence and Jon are gay, too!

Finally, the time I've been waiting for since Brendon made me cry in front of everyone, the show was over. I didn't wait for Brendon to thank everyone for coming out and whatever else he had planned on saying.

I walked off the stage as soon as the last chord was played of the last song. Zack was there, like he was waiting for me, and he took my guitar for me.

"You alright?" He asked.

I mumbled something that not even I understood and I continued to the dressing room. When I got in, the door was almost slammed and I paced back and forth with my hands in my hair.

I'm only slightly mad at Brendon, because I told him I wanted to wait for people to know.

Not sure what part of that he didn't understand. Obviously, all of it.

No, I'm not mad that he proposed. I'm happy. More than happy. I can't even explain it.

But I'm mad at him for doing it in front of people we don't know, who have cameras that take pictures and video and I wouldn't be surprised if those videos have over a million views on YouTube right now.

Sometimes Brendon just doesn't think things through all the way.

"Ryan?" I heard the door open and my name coming from Brendons mouth. I turned around to see him standing against the door, one foot crossed over the other.

"How stupid are you?" I didn't necessarily mean to use those words. 

"What do you mean?" He asked drawing his eyebrows together.

I walked a little closer to him and held up the hand that had the ring on it.

"This, Brendon," his eyes moved from mine to the ring, then back to mine. "why would you do that on stage? I told you I didn't want people to know right now, but that doesn't matter to you." Brendon pushed himself off of the door and stepped closer to me.

"Sometimes you don't get the things you want, Ryan." Well it's obvious I pissed him off. But he pissed me off, too. "I told you no one would give a fuck if they knew about us. And even if they did, who fucking cares! It's not their life. It's not their relationship. It's us! Me and you! Not them. I love you more than fucking anything, and all I wanted to do was prove that to you, whether you liked it or not. And if you love me like you say you do, you wouldn't care what people think." 

"That's not the point I was trying to make, Brendon." I walked around him and stood in front of the wall with my forehead against it. 

"Then what is it? Because I don't understand what the problem is. I thought you'd be happy that I proposed to you. I thought that it would make you happy knowing that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, despite what people think." I heard him walking closer to me.

"You're clueless, Brendon." I kind of whispered. He put a hand on my shoulder and turned me around to face him.

"I'm clueless? About what exactly?" His tone had calmed down. And to be honest, he sounded a little sexual.