Hate to Love You [Ryden]

Leaving

Update.

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Brendon's Point of View ; 

"Hey Bren, I need to talk to you." Ryan walked into the living room of our apartment.

The tour ended just three weeks ago and we finally got to come home. Ryan and I were thinking about buying a house.

"What is it, babe?" I turned around on the couch to look at him.

He looked upset, like he'd been crying, and his hair was a mess. He walked over and sat next to me.

"Um," he started. I was beginning to get worried. I could feel my heart starting to pick up speed and my stomach was already in knots. Don't leave me Ry. "I can't do this anymore."

I just kind of sat there, frozen and unable to speak. Can't do what anymore?

"Can't do what?" I asked quietly.

"The band," he wouldn't make eye contact with me, but I felt somewhat better than he didn't say our relationship. "it's just too much and it's really not what I want anymore."

What do I say to that? 

"Oh," was all I managed to get out. He looked at me with sad eyes. "if that's what you want."

"I just don't want you to be mad at me if I leave."

"What do you mean if you leave?"

"The band." He answered. "Not you, Bren. I wouldn't leave you. Couldn't if I wanted to."

I pulled him into my lap and laid back on the couch.

"You fucking scared me, Ryan." 

"I'm sorry." He said kissing my cheek. "I love you. I just need a break from Panic! for a while."

"I understand." I said. And I did, because I know just how stressful it is. "Does Jon and Spence know yet?"

"Jon and I were talking about it. He wants to do something different. So we were thinking maybe we could start out own band later on or whatever."

"Really?" I asked. This was all shocking to me. Ryan nodded. "So, what's gonna happen then?"

"I don't know," Ryan sighed. "Jon said he was gonna talk to Spencer. Not sure if he did yet."

"So that means we need to find a new bassist and a new guitarist." 

"You could play guitar," Ryan suggested. "you know all the songs."

"Yeah, but what about when I'm running around all over the stage? I can't play guitar and be crazy and the same time without messing up."

"Oh yeah," he laughed. "you'll figure something out babe."

"You know magazines are gonna want to do an interview about you guys leaving." 

"Yeah, I know." He sighed again.

"What's gonna happen when I have to tour and you're doing your own thing?"

"It's not like we won't talk every day or see each other at all," he said looking at me. "we're getting married. Nothing can keep you from me or me from you. And just think about how amazing it'll be when we see each other when you get back from touring." 

I grinned and hugged him tighter.

"Three months and we'll be married." I smiled.

"Yeah, it's all happening so fast."