Hate to Love You [Ryden]

Broken

Ryan's Point of View ;

"This is your fault." Brendon is blaming me because our relationship is pretty much falling apart? He should be blaming himself! And Dallon!

Stupid fucking Dallon, fuck you.

I've been lying in bed since Brendon left seven hours ago, crying my eyes out and now my pillow is soaked. How could he not care about our relationship? Our marriage.

He married me because he loves me and he's not even acting like it.

This isn't how I pictured our marriage.

I thought we would be happy and in love and inseparable. And maybe it was like that. Up until Dallon came along. I guess it is my fault. I left the band. Now Dallon's in the picture.

Life really does suck right now. I'm losing my husband.

A few more hours passed and Brendon still isn't home. I'd call him, but I don't have a fucking phone anymore and I'm too upset to go get a new one right now.

Fuck you, Brendon. Fuck you and your precious Dallon.

What's so special about him anyway? Is it because he's tall? I'm tall!

It's almost midnight and there's still no sign of Brendon anywhere.

Just then I heard the front door open and close. My heartbeat sped up and my stomachs in knots. Don't know why, it's just Brendon.

Brendon's mad at me though. He probably hates me.

About a half hour passed and Brendon hasn't come in here. I don't hear anything anymore so I got out of bed and went to the living room.

Brendon's asleep on the couch and I can smell alcohol like it's right fucking in front of me. He got drunk then. How'd he get home? I better not have drove his car.

I sighed and went to get another blanket to put over him. I'll definitely get no sleep tonight. But at least he's home.

-

I sat on my bed with my lyric book and the little book light clipped to the top of it. I like sitting in the dark.

I don't think Brendon's awake yet. I've been up all night trying to write songs for his stupid album. Not that I should, because it seems that Dallon has it all under control.

Brendon is slipping out of my grasp and I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to keep my husband from falling in love with someone else? Am I not good enough for him? Of course I'm not, he doesn't even acknowledge me anymore.

I remember when all that mattered to him was me. He always made sure I was smiling and happy and I don't know what's changed.

Maybe nothing changed. Maybe he just doesn't love me anymore.

I should leave.

That's what I'll do.

I'll leave.

But go where? I can't just go and find an apartment right away.

A hotel. I'll go to a hotel.

Guess I should write him a note, tell him I'm leaving until he can figure out what he wants.

I tore the sheet from my notebook and folded it, writing Brendon's name on the front. I packed my clothes as quickly as I could and went out to the living room.

Brendon's still asleep, doesn't surprise me. He must have gotten shit faced last night. I put my suitcase by the front door and put my keys and wallet in my pocket.