Ariana Grande Imagines

Smile⚠️

(TW!!! Talk of suicide and self harm in this chapter, you've been warned.)

It's hard when life seems to look down on you, and it's even harder feeling like nothing or no one can help you. Things can trigger your emotions, sometimes the big things, sometimes the smallest of things.

You've been feeling like that lately, and even though you refuse to go back to that dark time in your life, you feel yourself slipping away.

Your mind has been wandering farther and farther away from the simplistic thoughts, turning into more suicidal ideas. But the more you try to fight it, the more you fade away.

Ariana is having it worse. 

She is watching you, the wonderful joy in her eyes, the love of her life, crumble. She is trying, so hard, so much, to keep a tight grip on you, but your hand keeps on slipping. 

She doesn't want to loose you, never in a million years does she want to loose you, but she can't get through to you.

It breaks her heart every day when she wakes up to see your state. Your usual bright, bubbly self has now diminished to a shriveled nothing, like a dry leaf waiting to be stepped on.

She watches as your shoulders slump and your eyes go from loving, to empty. Ariana wants to hold you, to kiss you, to love you, to save you so so bad.

But she can't.

You have put up and unbreakable wall, built on your own pain. You have shut down, completely. You haven't attended work in weeks, you haven't eaten in seven days, and all you do is mope around and suffer.

People around you think it's easy to drown out these feelings, but they don't understand.

Just be happy

Go out and enjoy yourself 

Maybe just eat something or whatever 

Smile for once in your life

Those little comments make you feel hopeless, and like no one cares to try to help you. Ariana has come to your aid, she keeps those people away. 

She has tried, countless times, to get you to eat or go out with her. Even just a walk down the road, that is all she wants from you, but you always say no. Like today, she is trying to get something happy out of you, but it's still the same thing.

You are here, sat on the couch as the tv plays the same YouTube video for the hundredth time today. Ari came down the stairs from the bedroom, finally done cleaning the house.

Her eyes trailed over to you, her heart aching as she see that you haven't moved from this morning. Your body still hunched over, your hands holding your head as you stare at the ground.

"Hey honey." She says, hope in her voice.

No response.

"I'm gonna make some pasta salad for lunch, I know it's your favorite."

Again, no response.

"C'mon Y/N, please talk to me."

All she got was a short grunt.

Ariana sighed sadly, and went into the kitchen to make the desired dish. As she worked, tears clouded her vision and she had to pause what she was doing to regain herself. 

Soon, she was crying ever so softly, trying not to disturb you, but it was so quiet that her sobs could be heard loud and clear.

As for you, your heart was shattering at her dismay. All you wanted to do is to make her happy, but now that you feel the way you do, you are letting another person down, even worse since it's your wife.

With the last ounce of energy you had, you shakily stood and went into the kitchen, wrapping your arms around Ariana's body. She jumped at the contact, but relaxed when she smelled your familiar scent.

Immediately she turned and snaked her arms around your waist, pulling you closer. It has felt like years since she has held you, and all her sobbing disappeared when you laid your head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Ari whispered after lots of minutes of silence.

You turned your head slightly to give her a look of confusion.

"I'm sorry that you feel like this. I'm sorry that I can't help you, that I can't save you. God I wish I could take all your pain away, I really do. All I want is to see you smile again."

She gripped you tighter, feeling like you may fade away at any second.

"I know it's hard, and it's worse since you feel like you have no one. But you have me, I'll away be here for you because I love and cherish you."

Her sad doe eyes met your dull ones.

"I don't wanna loose you, ever. I love you, so much more than you think."

You blinked harshly, tears welling up in your eyes.

"Can you promise me one thing?" She asked, rubbing your back.

You nodded, sniffling softly.

"Please please, don't push me away."

Ariana wasn't expecting you to verbally answer, she was ready for a head nod. But when your voice rang in her ear, she almost collapsed.

"I promise." You said.

To you, you sounded the same. To Ariana, you sounded bland and broken. No emotion in your voice, nothing. The sweetness that seeped through your words, what initially attracted her, was gone.

"Thank you baby." Ari replied, laying a kiss to your hair.

You got off her shoulder and gently pressed your lips to her, sighing contently when she immediately kissed back. Both your lips moved slow and graceful, love radiating off of both of you. 

When the kiss was broken, Ariana met your eyes, and she saw a little bit of happiness glowing in them. She was about to say something when she noticed you were smiling purely out of joy.

"There's that smile, my favorite smile on my favorite girl." She said, nudging her nose against yours.

You giggled lightly, sending a warm feeling through her body. She pulled you closer and kissed you again, only this time she wasn't going to let go.

Hard times like these suck, but the little baby steps, one at a time, can help you feel so much better.

Wow

I wrote this out of experience by the way

I came out as a transgender boy to my family. The people I wanted to impress and make happy the most, didn't accept me. We were in the middle of family therapy and my mom said the reason we were there was because of me. She said I was hurting our family by my "devilish choices".

Suicide crossed my mind, and I even attempted to cut my forearm with a pair of scissors. 

I am so thankful for my girlfriend Hannah and my best friend Lyla, they went to get me help and I must say I'm doing better.

I would always check up on my friends and make sure that they are ok. But when I started having those thoughts, i began to think that people didn't care about me.

If you have suicidal thoughts or self harming thoughts, please go to a therapist or talk to someone you trust who can understand you. I hate when people would say "get help." It sounds like I'm a corrupted monster or something.

I love you all so freaking much, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here.

Have a wonderful day everyone.