47.
For Real
━━━“Medyo mahirap nga maghanap ng trabaho kapag nalalamang nagkakaso na ‘ko,” kuwento ni Maria. “Sa ngayon, balak ko magtayo ng sari-sari store malapit sa elementary school sa’min. At least sa business, ako ang boss.”
“That’s good to hear.”
She smiled. “Kumusta ka? Na-miss ko ang kaartihan mo.”
Mahina akong natawa.
Maria paid me a visit today. I looked forward to this so I was quite happy. It was really good to know she was doing good. I wished her all the best after all she went through.
“Kapag nakalabas ka na rito, ‘wag mo ‘kong ikakaila, a. Hindi mo na ‘ko fan simula no’ng kinausap mo ‘ko,” aniya at inirapan ako. “‘Tsaka punta tayo sa Siargao! Siyempre, treat mo. Gustong-gusto kong makapunta roon!”
“Kung buhay pa ‘ko . . .”
“Ha?” she reacted, a brow raised.
Napakurap-kurap ako at awkward na ngumiti. “Ah, ano, kung makalabas pa ‘ko. Alam mo na . . .”
She looked at me suspiciously but loosened up a few seconds later. “Oo ‘yan. Sinabi mong inosente ka. At tingin ko ‘di mo naman talaga magagawa ‘yon. Kaya tingnan mo’t makakalaya ka rin.”
Sana nga ganoon lang kasimple ang pananaw ko ngayon. When it’s black and white, there’s no gray area. Everything is definite.
I came to a conclusion that even if a man is innocent, if the circumstances are against him, he can never win. Kapag ang kapalaran na ang nagdesisyon, wala na tayong magagawa pa.
“Hangga’t alam mong ‘di ka matatahimik sa kabila, ‘wag kang pupunta roon,” litanya niya nang tumagal ang katahimikan ko. “Mas magandang pumaroon kung dito palang ay payapa ka na.”
“Paano kung gusto mo lang naman tuldukan ang lahat? And it doesn’t matter anymore to you if there is peace on the other side?”
To be honest, as of today, I was even considering becoming an evil spirit so I could haunt those who wronged me. I wanted to hear their screams of terror and the pleas of desperation.
That would be a better revenge.
“E di wala ka naman talagang natuldukan!” she exclaimed. “Ako, naniniwala ako sa afterlife. Ewan ko sa kung anong relihiyon mo. Pero . . . basta!” Iwinasiwas niya ang mga kamay. “‘Wag na ‘wag mong ipapahamak ang buhay mo. Period!”
Natawa akong muli na ikinasimangot niya.
Nag-usap pa kami nang matagal. Karamihan ay tungkol sa buhay-labas. I was so envious of her. Iyong mga bagay na iniignora ko noon, walang tigil kong ipinagdarasal ngayon.
Makakalaya pa ba talaga ako rito? Kung makalaya ako, ano kayang una kong gagawin?
I would probably go to my favorite café and sip my favorite coffee. Maybe try skydiving, too. And buy that bag I had been eyeing on.
“Ang bait pala talaga ni Vivienne, ano? ‘Yong pinsan mong magaling na artista?”
Natigil ako sa pagtulong sa pagliligpit ng mga dala-dala niya at napalingon sa kanya. “Nandito siya?”
She nodded, her eyes sparkling in interest. “Oo. Hindi pa ba siya pumunta rito?”
Mabagal akong umiling-iling. “Saan mo siya nakita?”
BINABASA MO ANG
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