The Ruthless (Quantum Meruit Series #1)

40. Peace

warning: self-harm; suicide

40.
Peace

━━━━━━━

I thought the feeling of being watched would go away eventually.

“Willow, halika rito.”

I thought it was all just in my head.

“Grabe, ang ganda mo talaga, ‘no?” manghang puri sa akin ni Maria matapos isipit ang nakuhang gumamela sa tainga ko.

Kimi akong ngumiti. “Huwag mo na ‘kong bolahin. Lalong lalaki ulo ko.”

Tumawa siya roon at ipinagpatuloy ang paggabi. After a few words, I squatted beside her and imitated what she was doing.

It had been days since that incident. But the feeling wouldn’t go away.

I was on my way to the jail officer after I went out of the bathroom. The hairs on my neck stood in attention for no apparent reason. I felt like someone was nearby and watching me. Thinking I was just a lot of stress lately, I shook it off. Baka imagination ko lang. Pero lumipas ang ilang araw, ganoon pa rin.

Who could it be?

“Akala ko talaga no’n maarte ka at ‘di palakaibigan,” Maria shared to me while we washed our hands.

Ngumiti ako at ipinabula ang kamay gamit ang sabon. “I get that a lot. So, ano talaga ‘ko? Sa tingin mo?”

Maria dramatically hummed and gestured as if she was in a deep thought. “Medyo maarte pa rin pero p’wede na. Palakaibigan . . . p’wede na rin.”

Maria was a woman years younger than I was. She was the first one I got close to in this institution. Palakaibigan kasi at maraming kuwento sa buhay. I heard from another prisoner that she was charged with a case for serious physical injuries. Her case was bailable but she didn’t have the means to pay the bail  nor avail of recognizance so she was here.

I wondered who did she assault and what was her reason. Gusto kong tanungin pero may rule yata rito sa kulungan na huwag pag-usapan ang kaso ng isa’t isa.

“Mabuti na lang talaga inayos na banyo natin. Kung hindi, naku . . .” She shook her head and clicked her tongue.

I hummed my agreement with her.

Life in prison was a little bearable. My cellmates were nice. Although some were annoying at times, they were fine all in all. I never felt alienated. Apart from cleaning and other activities conducted by the institution, they were the ones who kept me sane.

“Dalian natin. Baka masarap ang ulam ngayon!” Maria said excitedly.

Mahina akong ngumiti at tumango.

I didn’t know if they were guilty of the crimes charged against them. If they ever deserved to smile or laugh, that was beyond my knowledge. But I truly admired how most of them were still able to see this world in colors. It had just been months since I was brought here but each passing day became a fading memory of black and white.

Maria was busy blabbering about prison food while I listened intently when someone came to me and bumped my shoulder with hers. Before I could react, she was already feet away as if she was walking on burning wooden charcoal.

What was that?

“Masarap din luto no’ng dating kusinero – Willow!”

Maria looked horrified when she turned to me. Hindi ko pa naisasaboses ang tanong ko ay lumapit na siya sa akin at malakas na isinigaw ang pangalan ng pamilyar sa aming jail officer.