Peach Silhouette

40 | full faith

The days went by slow. Not the agonizing, painful type of slow - the slow that tugs you through the hours while simultaneously pulling so fast you don't have time to breathe.

Ranboo is kind. Too kind. I'm a mess. 

I've spent the time manically organizing my flat, and it wasn't even dirty in the first place. 

Some days he just follows me as I work in silence, a subtle sort of company that I never thought I'd need. 

We haven't talked about it since we first arrived in London. I have not let his name out of my lips since the airport. I can't. The thoughts are too long, complicated; nonsensical. 

None of it makes sense. 

The way my chest constantly aches, and my head feels heavy with the weight of my thoughts. 

I hear him calling the others when he thinks I'm asleep. The strained sound of the voices across the sea make my bones ache for home.

This is home. Here. 

I know that's a lie, somewhere in my heart, but I refuse to admit it. 

Truthfully, I haven't slept. The mattress is cold and the room is empty. 

Ranboo checks on me, and I close my eyes quickly, pretending to be sound asleep. 

I think he knows. 

I think they all know. 

~

I watched the sun crest over the horizon. It reflects bright lights and colors off the mirrored buildings that cover the ground. 

I open my phone, swiping through notifications and liking posts mindlessly. 

I look to the top of my screen.

9:09, it reads in sharp black numbers. 

I sit up quickly as a knock sounds at the door. My blanket falls to the floor and I stand up. The cold floor stings my bare feet and I wince. 

I can hear Ranboo speaking in a hushed tone, and I strain my ears to listen but hear only murmurs. 

I open my door, the beginnings of a sentence forming in my throat.

"Ranboo, who"

The words stop and my mouth refuses to move.

A tall blonde boy stands with his hands in his pockets, a sympathetic look written across his face. 

Beside him stands him. 

For a moment we stand in silence. 

I turn around, shut my door, and sink to the floor. 

I begin to count my breaths, rubbing circles into my palms. 

There's a simple explanation for this. A dream. The hours of lost sleep finally caught up to me and now my mind is tormenting the last piece of me that's left. 

Right?

"George?" I stay quiet as Ranboo calls softly through the door. "George could you please come out and give this a shot?" I feel a hot tear slip down my cheek as I rest my head in my hands.