Something blossoming

Chapter 3: Nightmare

I woke up with a jolt. Sitting straight up. Shivering from the nightmare I just woke from. My face wet, my bed wet, with what? Sweat, tears? I'm not sure, probably both. I wipe my face roughly, as if the harder I smear my tears the more likely my nightmare will drift from my memory.

It's not real. It's not real. I tell myself, over and over. I think I sat there staring at nothing for about 20 minutes. Trying to catch my senses as they seemed to have run off with the memories from back then flowing back into my head after tonight's dream.
I sigh. Getting out of bed. Out the window it's black, with a liquid silver moon illuminating the trees out my window and the mountains beyond. I must have slept through the rest of the day. Missing dinner. Of course no one came to get me. I'm sure they didn't notice my absence. I hardly talk, building a thick quiet exterior around me, hoping it fends off conversations, relationships of any kind. I have to keep myself safe.

I go into my closet and peel off my sweaty day clothes, changing them out for my fresh pj's which were some nice sleep shorts and an oversized tee shirt. My mother hates when I wear pj's like this. But since I argued that no one sees me in pj's she has dropped the topic, but not the dirty look she gives me the few times I run into her at night.
I wander the halls often at night, never being able to find sleep, especially after a nightmare. The quiet dark halls are the perfect place for my dark past and thoughts to roam without being seen. The moon keeps me company on my loneliest, lowest days. Almost like it's sharing a small piece of its light with me. To keep me going.

Slipping on my bunny slippers I go into the hall, almost screaming when I see a man outside my door. But my brain is fast to recognize him as Josh. Of course, he'd post guard outside my room at night. He seems amused by my wide eyes and hands over my racing heart. Of course he'd find my fear funny. Sick fuck. I scold myself as I head towards the kitchen, Josh in tow. I don't know him, I shouldn't say such mean things about him in my head.

Arriving at the kitchen there's no light. I don't want to turn some on either. Letting the moon guide me towards the fridge. I open it, eyes burning from the bright light, scanning the food inside. I see leftover dinner. But I go for some fruit instead. Luckily our chef prepares our fruit in little snack sized bowls so we can grab and go. I also grabbed a juice box. Closing the fridge satisfied with my choice I turn around only to bump into josh. I back up immediately into the fridge putting as much distance between us as I can. My heart is in my throat, I take him in. He's slightly smirking, the corner of his lips lifted ever so slightly, and his eyes. Shit. I've seen that look before. Flashbacks. They come crashing in. Numbing me, pulling me under.

I can barely make out his sorry excuse of wanting to get into the fridge as well. I can't hear, everything is so far away. I can't breathe. It's too hard to breathe. Like a boulder is sitting on my chest. I don't even remember getting back to my room, or shutting my door. All I know is now I sit in the corner of what I assume is my closest.

I shake in the fetal position, only realizing I'm crying when I feel the wet tears on my knees. And I cry even more. I cry for my future, and my past. I cry for who I was before. And who he turned me into. I mourn my childhood and teenage years as I do every day.
Eventually I let the darkness of sleep consume me. Hoping it will shield me from all these thoughts, even if it's just for a while. Darkness has always helped me hide my ugly truths and past. Thinking that if you can't see me, see my hurt then I can't exist in anyone else's here and now. Endlessly hurting in their memories of me.

I woke up after some time. Stiff as if I slept all night on a floor. Which I had. I drag myself into the bathroom and take in my state in the mirror. My head sinks at the sight. Puffy eyes, red face, and hair a mess probably due to me running my hands through it. A nervous action of mine. Deciding a shower would be best. I strip my clothes and turn the shower on to the hottest setting. Stepping in and bearing the pain. I let it sear my body, burning away last night's thoughts and tears. Maybe hoping it will burn away in the past. Replacing it's pain with the pain of the shower. After Washing, I decide I've had enough due to my now pink and raw skin. Stepping out of the shower I look at myself once again in the now foggy mirror. Well I'm still red but my eyes aren't so puffy. My hair drenched and clinging to my head and dripping down my body.

Dressing for the day, I reached for another pleated skirt but thought twice after last night. Best not to catch any more attention from Josh for a while. I decided to go with Pink joggers, and a oversized white tee shirt, my white converse and a pink bow tied in the back of my hair holding up half of my hair. A few bits falling out framing my face as I tie my shoes.

With a breath of encouragement I open the door. But all of it leaves when I look up at the man who caused last night's panic attack. My throat growing tight. I enter the hall and start to walk down stairs, as I pass my sister's room and lift my head enough to look at her guard, he's already looking at me. I quickly put my head back down, the carpet becoming interesting.

I hate this. I hate feeling so small. Especially in this house. After it happened I promised myself I'd be strong and never let anyone scare me or control me like that again. But here we are. I'm petrified of the man following behind me and the other new resistance in this house, intrigues me, excites me even. However, he makes me feel small under his hard gaze and big stature.

Arriving at the table I take my seat, Josh standing a few paces behind me. Moments later Rose arrives, him following close behind. She takes her seat across from me, him a few steps back from her. The meal is silent as always, everyone preoccupied with something more interesting. My wandering eyes taking the room in as always. Finally landing on him, behind my sister. I hadn't realized before, but his tattoos.. There's so many. Starting on his fingers running up his exposed arms, even some peeking out from the neckline of this shirt. I cock my head ever so slightly. I wonder what they are, I want to get up close and stare at all of them. I wonder if they mean anything.

Shifting my eyes up slightly meeting his gaze, again.
I suck in a breath. A sliver of amusement swimming in the pools of forest in his eyes. My heart stops. This, it's something in my nothing again. I can't help my staring in wonderment. I feel, tingly, alive. What is this?

"Aurora! Are you even listening to me?!' I snap out of my own bliss to turn to my pissed mother. My face turns beet red, not because she's mad at me, but because I just stared at the guard, again. Losing touch with reality.

"Sorry what?" I ask meekly.
"I was saying.. We are having guests over tonight. Some important Judge.This relationship can help me win some cases. They are bringing their son. Unfortunately he's closer to your age than Rose's. So you need to be polite, and" she pauses "friendly" she finishes with a double meaning.
"So you want me to fuck their son?" I question out loud.
My father spits out his coffee. "AURORA! You cannot speak like that, and how dare you suggest that!" she yells.
"Well it's what you meant right?" I push further. I'm In deep shit.

"No! Go to your room! I expect you to be better behaved by tonight and also change out of those frumpy clothes they are unflattering" she scolds.
I get up, screeching my chair against the food floor as I rise. I walk out of the room. Stealing a glance at him as I leave. I could have sworn I saw a ghost of a smile on his face. I feel on cloud nine. Until I'm about to reach my room and I hear from behind me "So the kitty has claws, I'll remember that".
I want to gag. I rush into my room making sure to lock it. Fuck, I hate this.