Something blossoming

Chapter 34: Trapped

This chapter contains themes of abuse, self hate, suicide, and disordered eating. Please take care.

Today Lars was supposed to come. Hopefully.

Yet again I made sure the house was spotless, staying out of everyone's way.

I had a fancy meal planned that I had been practicing for a while and I was so excited for Lars to taste it. It was a lobster tail over mashed potatoes with a butter cajun glaze and veggies.

Once I had prepared the meal I let it warm in the oven while I went and changed. This time I made sure not to wear anything too tight so he didn't have to see my fat. I put on some simple black leggings and a beige turtle neck sweater.

As I was fixing my hair in the mirror I heard a car in the driveway and ran down the stairs knowing it would be Lars.

I stood in front of the door and a second later it opened revealing Lars. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face, however a moment later I saw Lars's hand connected to someone else.

He pulled in a tall thin blonde. My smile dropped. Who is this? Why is she here? I thought it was just supposed to be us? As if sensing my questions Lars spoke

"Aurora this is Melody. The model I told you about"

Oh.

"I-it's a pleasure to meet you" I whispered. I couldn't bring myself to talk louder, one because I was upset and shy, and two I hadn't gotten the chance to speak to anyone in nearly a month.

Melody smiled in response and turned her gaze to Lars.

"Aurora how about you set the table while I show her around," he said pulling her along through the foyer. I nodded even though neither could see me anymore.

Dejected I set the table for three. But then I realized- I only cooked two portions. Even if I could make them smaller I only had two lobster tails. I couldn't just cut those in half.

Frantically trying to rack my brain for a solution I could only find one. Melody could eat mine. I didn't need the extra calories.... And I'm not hungry anyway.

I set their food and the wine making sure it was perfect. I sat in my seat and waited for the two to return. I could hear them upstairs moving about. I couldn't make out their words but I would randomly hear a giggle here and there.

I tried my best to not let it affect me. He loved me not her. That's what he said. She's just for his needs.

But why did he bring her here then? My face crumbled at my thoughts. Luckily before I spiraled the pair appeared in the dining room.

I smiled up at Lars, I'll just pretend she isn't here. I don't want to be rude but she is imposing in my home and on my time with Lars. Lars pulled out her seat before he sat in his.

He never did that for me.

"Looks wonderful" Lars complemented. I beamed at him waiting for him to try it. I hoped he liked it. I waited impatiently as he cut and chewed slowly.

"Very good. I'm happy to see you using your time wisely"

"Thank you! I had been practicing for you!" I said excitingly. He liked it! I did good!

"Quite down Aurora. You're being too embarrassing." Lars commanded.

Oh. Shoot. I didn't mean to embarrass him. I hope he wasn't too upset with me.

I immediately started thinking of ways I could make it up to him. More cooking? I couldn't give him anything physically, he didn't want me that way. I didn't have any money to buy him anything. I was failing to think of a way to redeem myself and I was growing anxious.

I needed to show him I'm good.

I hadn't noticed the two entered their hushed conversation, not bothering to include me. Melody excused herself to the restroom leaving Lars and me here.

"L-Lars. Why is she here?"

He sighed deeply. Oh no. Stupid. I shouldn't have asked.

"How rude can you be. I take time out of my busy schedule to come to see you and this is what you have to say? You are important to me, I thought I'd introduce you to someone apart of my life. Looks like I made a mistake. You are just as immature as I left you."

Tears sprung to my eyes. I disappointed him. And he was right. But I couldn't help my jealousy.

"I don't want her here. This was supposed to be our time!" I shouted crying.

That was a mistake. Lars looked beyond pissed. I couldn't help but flinch when he abruptly stood up.

"Follow me. Come on." He ordered walking upstairs.

I stayed rooted in my spot out of fear. Watching him wide-eyed, mouth parted, tears streaming down my face. When Lars noticed I wasn't following he marched back over to me. He gripped a chunk of hair from behind my head and pulled me up.

I screamed at the searing pain in my head. I started crying harder and louder. His pace was too fast for me to hold, leading me to stumble trying to keep up.

Every time I fell my head hurt more and Lars didn't let up his hold. When we got to the top of the stairs Lars pulled me up face to face with him. I was bawling at this point.

He brought his hand up and slapped me across the face, so hard that I was sure I would have fallen if he wasn't holding me up by my hair.

"Shut the fuck up!" He yelled in my face. He leads us into our bedroom. Opened the closet and threw me in. I wasn't able to catch myself in time, I ran right into the closet wall smacking my head and denting the drywall.

Black dots danced in my vision and I struggled to focus on Lars who was now bent down to my level.

"I thought I had taught you well. But obviously, I was being too nice. You need to be taught a lesson. Maybe some time in here will do you some good. You need to learn how to shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear your whining voice. I set out many rules for you. I did everything but it seems you are just too fucking stupid to understand. Get this through your brain. You are stupid. Nobody likes you, and no one will ever love you. It's times like these where you make it even hard for me to love you."

"No! I'm sorry! I love you, please! Please don't leave me. I'll do better I promise!" I begged.

"Shut up! I didn't ask you to speak! God, I'm getting such ahead ache. You're so useless. I cant-. I'm done with this conversation. Learn you're fucking place. I'll have a guard let you out when I think you learned your lesson. And I swear to god if I hear from them that you won't stop whining to be let out, I'll fucking leave you!"

With that he slammed the door in my face, I heard the click of the lock on the other side and his retreating footsteps.

I couldn't stop my anxiety. It was so dark I couldn't see my own hands. I was locked in here just like all those years ago.

I let out a sob but quickly covered my mouth remembering he said he didn't want to hear me.

I did it now. I was useless.

He deserved someone better than me. Someone prettier, and smarter. Someone more mature. Someone like Melody.

~~~~~

After what felt like hours of trying to figure out how to be better for him I concluded. An answer.

I couldn't be better for him. I was too broken. Too worthless for him. He loved me too much to leave me. He was a good man that way I knew it. So there was only one way to save him from being stuck with me.

I needed to leave, and since I had nowhere to go, locked in here, and not to mention just a burden for anyone I knew what I needed to do. Once I'm let out of this closet I need to kill myself.

It'll be better for everyone.

Then Lars can have the happiness he deserves.