I Choose You

Secrets, Pt. 2

"So tell me what you want to hear

Something that will light those ears
I'm sick of all the insincere

This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away"

- "Secrets" by OneRepublic

***

After confessing my sin, I took another large swig of the whiskey. The burn was unpleasant but I welcomed it as I withheld a stereotypical cringe.

The first shot was already taking affect. My head was buzzing and my body was starting to feel relaxed. The topic at hand was becoming slightly easier to handle by the alcohol.

"As I said, I don't want to explain any further. If we can please just leave it at that, I would appreciate it."

Silence blanketed over us, weighing down on me. If it wasn't for my intoxication I'd be uncontrollably squirming. It was near unbearable having a conversation stall as someone adjusted to what was said. While it was reasonable after what I revealed, it still did not lessen the anxiety knotting inside me as I wondered what his reaction was going to be.

I had to make matters worse for myself. I just had to look over at Alexander and see his expression.

He was intently studying me as I mindlessly picked at a corner of the Bird Dog whiskey label. Slowly, I peeled back a loose end, ignoring the sticky feeling that the adhesive was leaving on my finger tips.

Alexander's eyes were laser-focused on me with such intensity that it felt as if he didn't need to ask me anything else. It was like his eyes were soul-searching for every detail of the story. Alexander was getting all the answers he needed; all without me saying a single word.

Even though it was not possible, I believed that Alexander's gaze was piercing enough that he was getting all the answers he wanted. My theory only continue to solidify the longer he remained silent.

If he wants answers. He will get them. Hell be damned.

"I don't like people staring at me, especially the way you are now." I wiggled a little, trying to shake off his eyes.

He continued being mute. I became convinced that he had been doing it on purpose.

He had to know how irritating it was.

Alexander clicked his tongue, breaking another patch of unbearable quietness. "It's your turn to ask a question, Angel."

Looking over at Alexander, I could not hide my surprise. I had still expected him to hound me relentlessly for more details, filling in whatever scenario he had concocted. Instead, he respected my wishes.

My heart swelled in that moment. I appreciated Alexander's response, just as much as I needed it. Having my secret out was hard enough, telling the story would have been too much. I wasn't ready. I didn't know if I ever would be.

"Any day now. I'd like to be young when we finish this game," Alexander said in a bored tone but his eyes gave a small twinkle that indicated he was joking around.

I raised an eyebrow at his casualness. His demeanor towards what I said sparked a question that had been burning in my mind but I had been hesitant on asking. "Are you a member of a gang?" I asked without any delay. I couldn't strew on the idea of asking any longer, I had to just do it. The alcohol was helping.

"Yes." Was Alexander's simple, straight-to-the-point answer.

My breath hitched. I had no idea what to say. He was honest. The truth scared me because it highly likely that Alexander had killed someone and it was not an accident.