I Choose You

Bike

I'm tripping on my words and on my feet.

And I couldn't tell you what you done to me. 

 And now I am playing with my keys again. 

I'm such a mess, I wasn't ready for this kind of thing. 

It happened so fast. 

I want to fight it so I'm quiet when you're on my mind. On my mind. 

But I want to be riding on the front of your bike. 

Head down as we are driving. 

I'm the love of your life and at the speed of lightning, we are flying through golden streets.

- "Bike" by Oblyvn ft. Tianda

***

A mischievous grin was spread across Alexander's face. "Oh, so now I can't come to see a movie when I want?" Slinging an arm behind my back, gripping my waist Alexander pulled me into him.

My nostrils became flooded with his scent and the side of my body pressed against him flushed. I didn't give in to my urge to lean into his body anymore, which I was proud of myself for. I had to fight the feelings and pretend that everything was normal about the way he acted around me. This was how any friend would act.

"You can do whatever the hell you want. You just don't have to interrupt my night," I said in irritation even though deep down I had not minded Alexander making an appearance. Overall, I was actually happy to see him, somehow being in his presence made me feel like I was floating on air.

I kept attention on Holden as he remained at the counter, finishing our order.

A light laugh escaped Alexander's lips. "Don't tell me you actually like Holden?" Alexander poked fun at me as he nudged me with the side of his body. He was finding the whole situation humorous. 

His words unnerved me to no end.

It was evident that Alexander knew that I had no romantic feelings for Holden, however, Holden was infatuated with me.

Alexander was teasing me for continuing the night knowing Holden was in for a letdown, which made my blood boil. 

What Alexander said also brought a sensation of being caked in dirt. I was guilty of leading him on. I should not have continued the night knowing Holden had a crush on me. I knew that the longing does not go away, even when told it will never happen. What I was doing was borderline sadistic. 

I enjoyed the attention Holden was giving me because it was clear and focused. At first, I had not cared that he wanted more because the attention made me feel nice. 

Was I doing the same thing Alexander was doing to me?

Ultimately I knew one thing, I was a glutton for punishment and heartache.

"So what if I did or didn't like Holden?" I tried to remain strong and confident.

I reinforced to myself that Alexander and I were only friends. Some friends did have a habit of bugging me about my romantic relationships - like Maggy. However, when it came from Alexander, it made me feel uncomfortable.

"Actually, it doesn't matter," Alexander said in a flat tone. "In fact, I think you two would be perfect together. But, let's be honest. You don't like him and are being a naughty girl by leading him on. If you were the good girl you parade yourself around to be, you would leave. Sparing the poor boy a broken heart."