Paid Love (Dr.Strange x reader)

Chapter Nine Pt. 2

WARNING!!!
Seriously if you are sensible to the topic of self-harm, you should skip this part. I will try to write so you can skip this one without missing anything important, but be aware that it could be a topic in further chapters.
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It hurt. Of course, it hurt. That was the whole point. It was very late- or very early, depending on the point of view. You had needed a long time until you found something sharp and when you found it, you couldn't be stopped. You cried through the whole procedure but in your head, it was the thing you deserved after being a bitch as Dylan had described it so many times before. When you couldn't handle it anymore and your whole body was shaking, upper thighs covered with new, fresh scars and tissues full of blood, you finally felt like being able to sleep because you had got the right punishment. You swiped away the blood from your thighs once again and then tried to put the blood-covered tissues under all the other garbage in the bathrooms bin, so it wouldn't be noticed. The thighs hurt while walking, especially when you stretched or the covers touched the sensitive flesh, but sadly, it gave you peace because -again- you felt like you deserved it and that was the only way how you could see yourself in the mirror again without feeling so much guilt.

꧁꧂

The next morning came way too fast but you stood up anyway. Your legs sting but it was bearable and necessary in your point of view. You figured you wouldn't do much today, Stephen was probably going to ignore you for a while and you couldn't go out. You put Stephens sweatpants on, wincing when the cloth touched your leg, but not complaining. You continued with your routine and were surprised when you heard a knocking sound.

"Come in." You said without hesitation, wanting to apologize once more. You took a few more minutes in the bath before you finally got out.

Your heart was racing once again, beating loud and clear. The reason was Stephen looking at you with an expression you had never seen on him. It was a mixture of anger with mostly fear. A bit of disappointment probably too. He was holding the underside of your sheets up, so you could see it. You blamed yourself, once again, for not making your bed before anything else. It had been spread open so the bloodstains were something you immediately saw on the white sheets. Finding an excuse was hard, period couldn't be it.

"Tell me you didn't..." You were too afraid to meet his eyes. You couldn't respond but that probably was respond enough. Stephen swallowed. "No..."

Your vision blurred through the tears that were filling up. "I had to..." You said, your voice breaking.

"No. Nonono!" He walked around the bed to you. "Look at me." You couldn't, you wouldn't, so he kneeled down, looking at you from underneath. You still looked past him. The shame was too big. "Tell me you didn't hurt yourself."

You felt a tear overleap from your eyes and roll down your face. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize. Show me." You said nothing. You couldn't possibly show him. "Show me!"  He had gotten loud and felt instantly sorry for it as he saw you flinch but the situation was too hard to handle. For both of you. He continued with a quieter tone. "Please... I have to make sure it doesn't get infected. Let me treat it." His voice sounded broken.

You shook your head. "No... It's my..."

"Your what?" He asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"punishment..."

He slowly stood up. You thought it was over. That he had stopped trying. You thought he would leave the room. But he did nothing of some sort. He hugged you.