Obsession | JJK ft. PJM

16 Confession Tapes

"The Devil pulls the strings which make us dance; We find delight in the most loathsome things; Some furtherance of Hell each new day brings, and yet we feel no horror in that rank advance."

― Charles Baudelaire

"Where is Wendy?" your mother interrupts your train of thoughts, breaking you out of your reverie.

"She has gone to her parent's place for the holidays," you lie easily. You don't want to tell them the truth, it'll only make it difficult. They'll probably ask you to ring her or her parents even. They might even forget about Christmas and search for her in every nook and cranny of Seoul.

"That's surprising, I thought she liked spending Christmas with us," your father muttered with a pout. Sometimes you think they love her more than they love you. You might as well love her more than you love yourself. "Did you two have a fight?"

Your eyes widen and you quickly shake your head. You glance at Jungkook in an attempt to have him cover you, but you find him devouring the rest of the dessert items with utmost interest, making you internally groan. "No, we didn't have a fight, why would you even think that?" Huffing, you continue, "she broke up with Hoseok, actually. Maybe she needs some time away from people, I guess."

Speaking of the devil, your phone starts ringing, and you find Wendy's smiling face flashing on the screen. You excuse yourself, catching Jungkook off guard and press the pick-up button. Sliding the shutter open, you get embraced by the cold wind on the terrace.

"Hello?" you squeaked as it got colder by the second, making you pull your jacket's hood on your head.

"Hey..." A male voice fills your ears. Your subconscious mind immediately recognises the voice, but it takes time for it to reach your conscious mind as it's near to impossible to hear his voice through Wendy's phone. Jimin's low baritone rings through your brain, making you shiver. Various possible scenarios play in your head, your anxiety getting the best of you. "I'm fucking drunk... And I missed you."

"Jimin, why do you have Wendy's phone with you?" You ask in a clipped toned. "Where is she?"

The line stays silent for a few seconds, you imagine him contemplating his answer. "She... She... Where is she?" He chuckles lowly, making you gulp air into your lungs with uncertainty.

"Stop fucking around and tell me where she is!" You press. You get no response in return, only the sound of someone shuffling. You hear him whispering something away from the phone.

"Umm... Hello?" Hearing that familiar honey-like voice makes you release the breath you didn't know you were holding. "____?"

"Yes, yes, it's me, ____. Are you alright Wendy? Where are you? Let me come and pick you up, yeah?"

You only hear the sound of giggling from the other side, making your frustration increase. "Wendy, are you there?"

"Yeeeaaahhhh, I'm there!" she beamed with unmatched enthusiasm. "But you can't pick... me up..." she giggles more. "I'm because, in America. This... is America. Don't catch you slipping now... look what I'm whipping now. Whoop whoop."

"Oh, okay." You feel your heart constrict. The thought of Wendy finding comfort in your ex-boyfriend rather than her best friend devastates you. You never realised that they were even close to each other. The only reason why Wendy got to know him was that you had started dating him, they were never that intimate. "A goodbye note would've been helpful. I was worried about you, even called you many times. Are you mad at me?" You know she is drunk and cannot even form comprehensible sentences to be able to answer these questions, but you also know she's the most honest when she is drunk, so you shoot your shot.

"I'm not mad at you." Somehow, she sounds sober now, yet the intoxicated vibrato in her voice tells you otherwise. "It's just that... you suffocate me. So, I left. If I had told ya... you would chase me..."

You suffocate me.

Your heart shatters in million pieces but you don't let that falter your calm façade. "In what way do I suffocate you?"

"You- I- I didn't... I don't know..."

"Wen, I can't make amends if you're not honest with me." You pace back and forth, the winter cold contrasting the heat of your burning heart. "How do I suffocate you?"

She takes a deep breath and grunts lowly. "Just by existing, I guess"

"What? So, my existence is bothersome to you?" You don't hold back anymore as you fume in frustration. You look back to the living room, checking up on Jungkook and your parents. Your father seems to have found solace in playing cards with the rest of the party, you reckon that he is the one who must've come up with the idea of playing cards after dinner. Your mother, being the competitive lady that she is, seems to have accepted the challenge – now engrossed in the cards she's holding between her manicured fingers.

Jungkook, on the other hand, though enjoying his time with them and smiling every now and then, keeps stealing glances in your direction. You nod assuredly when his eyes lock with yours, making his eyes crinkle as he grins in relief. You turn around to hide your face from them as you await Wendy's response even though you are sure it's no good.

After a long pause, you hear more shuffling, making you think she handed over the phone back to Jimin marking the end of your long-standing friendship. But you are proven wrong when she inhales deeply and goes on, "It's not that! Your existence is everything to me! It's more important to anyone's existence!"

"Then why did you say that I suffocate you? Have I done anything to hurt you?"

"No! Never! You... You are like a warm blanket. Like a Christmas morning. Y-you make me feel things I've never felt before. You scoop me up in a sushi roll and pour wasabi all over me. You make me melt and burn all at the same time. I love you so fucking much that it hurts me. And I hate it. So, I left."

You're not sure what she means by her contradictory confession, nonetheless, you want to understand better. "I'm so sorry Wen I hurt you, it was never my intention to. You know, I love you too. You're the bes-"

"No, you don't! You don't love me..." She sniffles. "You don't."

"Wen, yes I do. I'd do anything for you, you are my best friend," pool of tears starts forming in your eyes, yet you try to speak calmly.

"Is that all? Will I always be just a best friend to you?"

"No Wen, you-"

"I know what's next. I'm like a sister to you, right? That's the last thing I want to hear because when I said I love you I meant more than just friends. I am deeply and madly in love with you, ____. And I know you don't feel the same for me. I've been trying to not let that affect our friendship, but I've had enough now. If I can't have you the way I want you then I don't know what will become of me."

The line goes silent. You stand near the railing with your eyes wide open, your phone's screen turning dark in your trembling arms. The first tear slips down your cheek and onto the ground ever so slowly, turning your world upside down. This can't be happening right now.

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A/N : What the fuck just happened?