Chaeyoung
The warmth of Mina's hands on mine gave me comfort and strength and there I slowly found my shell opening up for her and showed her my true self.
I found myself exposing all my fears, my scars, my doubts and my struggles after long years of living without her or anyone. I slowly opened up myself with all the courage and strength I had collected these past days of thinking and little by little, It felt so amazing.
I shared everything including the past that haunts me and kept me awake for almost every single night.
The guilt of not treating Her good enough. The guilt of hurting her over and over again. The guilt of cheating and getting her involved in my family's dark intentions and madness.
The tragic horror ending of my evil grandfather and useless father. The sacrifice that my brother did after realizing he's wrong and the pain of surviving alone with all the guilts I had.
It was so painful but I had to keep on living no matter how it is nice to not to. I had to fix every mess I and my family made.
Back then, I was left with no choice but to leave Mina. I left not because I don't love her, I left because Its the other way around. I love her so much, so much that I am willing to give her the right to heal herself up. She lost a family, her dad to be specific because of my grandfather's dark deeds and that time, I felt so ashamed and unworthy to be with her anymore.
The pain and chaos that my family had inflicted her and her family gave me nothing but shame and regrets. So, I left because I had to. For her sake and mine.
I left and struggled to live without her and carried every pain, memory and shame of the past. I struggled and continued living even if it really means slowly dying.
It was painful, more than the word itself.
I left and moved from one place to another. The first few days felt so empty. I had no one beside me and everything is in chaos not to mention, I am missing her so bad.
Few months was even worse. Living alone in a foreign place was the worst idea I had ever made. I struggled mentally, physically and socially and I felt so helpless. I slowly became suicidal after realizing things were not getting any better. I intentionally did many dangerous things that would kill me hoping it would end up all my pain and miseries but none of it worked.
Then one day, a child saved me.
That child, suddenly reminded me of Yuna, the little angel that made Mina smile after all the pain I gave her. To make long story short, I kept her and adopted her legally. She is Ryujin. It was a long journey but it was worth it. Somehow, my thoughts were slowly becoming normal and I stopped being suicidal all thanks to her.
Years past, I found myself socializing little by little. I met lots of people and made new friends along the way namely Lisa and Jennie. They both look after me and Ryujin all the time and even introduced me to their friends— Jisoo, a psychiatrist and Rosè, who I had met a long time ago is a nurse.
Jisoo became my psychiatrist since then while Rosè became Ryujin's personal nurse not until they had to flew back home.
As soon as they left, I began thinking about home.
Suddenly, the home I had for years slowly felt strange. It made me feel empty again not until I began looking for Mina's photo in my wallet. Her photo somehow eases my longingness. Since then, I always found stalking Mina's social media accounts and even introduced her to my friends and to my daughter, Ryujin.
