Don't Mess With Me

Chapter 87

Short chapter I am very tired today

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"Do you think Alpine and the baby would get a long?" Maddie question squatting next to Alpine as she eats her dinner. Alpine has adjusted to the home very well within the past few days, went to the vet for a checkup, she's got worms but she got a quick shot and few medicines to take and now she is gaining weight getting a small belly after every meal.

"I think you mean babies, not baby" leaning against the fridge, "We don't even have one yet, lets not jump ahead lets get the first one out and then we can talk about having more" turning her attention back to Alpine, walking over to her picking her up putting on the counter putting himself in between her legs. Scrunching her eyebrows flicking her eyes in between his blue eyes as he puts his hands on either side of her leaning down getting to her eye level.

"What?" she questions since he was being very quiet, "You do know we don't have to have a kid, if you don't want one, we don't have to have one. I don't want you to do something you don't want to do, this is your body" poking her stomach, "this is your mental health that I want to stay healthy, I don't want you to hurt yourself" then taping her forehead.

"Do you not want one?" feeling like she is pushing him to have one "I didn't say that, I don't want my answer to determine if you want one or not"

"You didn't answer my question"

"I do, but" putting his finger up "I don't want my want for one to make you feel like you have to keep doing this"

"This?" scrunching her face, "you mean get pregnant?" staying quiet looking right at her "Oh I get it...move" being harsh at him, "Maddie" keeping his voice calm seeing her getting mad "Move" saying it slowly with a bite at the end, "No, we are talking" following her head as she turns it side to side to not look at him.

"I don't want to" turning her head as far she could to not look at him, "We need to"

"You made yourself very much clear" snapping at him turning to face him "I can't stop a miscarriage James! If I didn't want to put myself through it I would go back on birth control, just because I asked you to wear a condom for a week doesn't mean I don't want one!"

"Maddie" trying to keep his tone normal but the hint of anger is breaking through. "No!" putting her finger up "I know you mean "this" as miscarriage I fucking know I have had miscarriages! I am the one that felt the cramping I know that I have a had them, if I didn't want to go through it again I wouldn't put myself in the place to get pregnant!" seeing Bucky holding back wanting to say something.

"Can I speak now or do you still want to go" not wanting to yell over each other, listening to what his therapist tells him to do. Staying quiet letting him speak, "Why is it that you seem to not care about the two you have lost. I didn't see you cry or curl up in your bed and stay there for days on end, you got up and acted like nothing happened, why?" seeing the anger in her face slowly demolish off her face seeing that shy thing she can be coming out as she no longer looks at him, now looking everywhere but him. Her breathing lower than before, her fingers tapping on the counter trying to keep her fingers from twiddling together.

Still staring at her as she keeps her eyes swimming around the room not wanting to even glance at him, "Maddie I have been wondering this since the 21st of May when you miscarried the first time I want to know, I need to know." seeing her stopping her eyes looking at the window, seeing her bottom lip and jaw starting to tremble, it was so slight if he would've been a few more feet back he wouldn't have seen it. "Maddie" saying it low seeing her lip starting to tremble more and her eyes getting the glass look right before she is about to cry.

Taking a deep breath stopping her lip from trembling and her eyes from looking glassed over, "Because its something that happens and that's it" not looking at him still "That is bullshit, you are lying right now because you aren't looking at me, look at me and tell me it again" starting to get upset with her first her yelling now acting like a child. Still not looking at him now looking more towards the floor.

"MADDIE!" spooking her, now upset with her "Say it again" now looking right in his eyes seeing the fire lit inside of him, all she wanting to do was run and come back to this conversation later or maybe never hoping it will past but not this time. Moving his body closer to her already knowing she wants to run, that's what she does. If they get in a big fight she likes to run and come back a few hours later and they either say sorry or they don't speak much about it but he isn't going to let it happen this time.

"Madison Eliana Foster, tell me the truth right now." his voice tinted with anger "Can you back up please..." looking at his chest, "Are you going to run?" lifting her eyes up to his shaking her head, pulling back a little bit giving her, her space. "If what you said is true say it again" staring back at him her lip starting to shake once more her eyes glassing over as tears brim.

"I -I don't want to be my mom, but I am my mom, and I keep having miscarriage after miscarriage and I never ever wanted to be like her and put you through the shit my dad went through" tears falling down her face as she speaks quickly as he voice gets thick with emotion. "I listened to my mom scream over and over again every time she lost one and it haunts me, I hear it every time I start cramping and all I want to do is let it all out but I don't want you to be put in that situation because I hated being in that situation, so I am scared I am scared every time I get a positive test, even the first time I fucking cried my eyes out, out of pure fear of being like her and I am"

"I am and it kills me because I never wanted to be like her in that way" scooting towards her as she slams her head on his chest, "I wanted to cry so bad after we found out after we were pregnant again after losing the first one but I didn't I had to wait so you wouldn't see me like this" her voice bubbling with grief and sadness.

"I feel like if I get pregnant soon afterwards it would help me not feel so bad about myself since I knew I had to keep myself strong and healthy to help them grow" slipping his hand up to her face lifting her head up to look at him seeing her eyes already red along with her face and chest.

"We don't need to try so fast we can wait, we can wait weeks, months, years whatever to help you I don't want you bottling all this up and having to carry this around"

"I'm not getting any younger Buck" sniffling wiping her nose with the back of her hand "And I am" trying to tease to lighten up the sadness looming around them, "The older I get the more complications I can have with the kid, that's why I wanted kids young so that I wouldn't be worrying about this but I worried too much about school to even settle down with someone, and here I am"

"With someone who loves you and will be by you through everything" his voice soothing her calming her tears down. "I know this is something you might not want to hear but is their maybe a chance there is something that isn't working in you stomach or maybe even with me"

"I took a fertility test and everything came back normal, nothing was wrong with me"

"Then I will go and get tested and see if its me, I am hundred and five doll" wiping her tears before she could "Please don't hold anything back on me, I don't care if you scream cry in my ear or just need to lay next to me and let it out quietly I will always be here for you no matter what."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to"

"I don't have to, I want to, I want to be with you every step of the way till the end"

"Till the end of the line?"

"Till the end of the line" laying a gentle kiss to her lips pulling her back into his chest as she cries the last little bit left she has into his chest keeping her cries on the quieter side.

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I actually had this planned to be on chapter 90, but I had no idea what to write for today. Sorry if there is any mistakes I am very tired and I was falling asleep at the end of this, and yes I did take Bucky and Steve line and had them say it but I had no other way to end it.

THE TEAM DOESN'T KNOW SHE IS PREGO!

~Dianne