Giving up on you

All My Fault

One day after accident

"I told you I should have just left it." I whispered, feeling my body involuntarily shaking. "It's all my fault." I muttered harshly.

I wrapped my arms around my body bringing myself into a small ball, "Honey." My mom breathed as she stroked my hair. "It's not your fault."

I shook my head as I lowered my head, "It's not fair it should have been me, he shouldn't be fighting for his life, if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be in the hospital."

"Don't say that." My mom began but I stopped her. "What do you mean don't say that? It is my fault, I asked him to meet up and he was driving to meet me. Me not anyone else that's why the shit that is happening now is happening." I said angrily.

My mother didn't even reprimand me for swearing, she just bent down to my level and hugged me. She held me in her arms and stroked my hair.

~¤~

I wrapped my fingers around his cold hand, I bit down on my lip forcing my tears not to slide down my cheeks, but I couldn't.

My rock, one of the few people I trusted with my life, treasured the most and I knew I could always count on was lying, in front of me looking weaker than I've ever seen him.

"I'm sorry." I muttered into the thin cloth that was covering his body. I felt the tears hit the cloth and I clenched my teeth.

"I am so sorry." I felt my body shake and I let myself be weak. I had been strong only when he was there for me but now he wasn't.

"Shawn, I need you. Ali needs you. Your parents need you. People need you. You need to wake up. You need to smile at me and tell me everything will be okay, you need to wake up so we can go on that roadtrip we planned when we were kids, it's next month, I need you to be okay."

"I need to hear from you that this is not my fault."

I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder and give it a squeeze. "Oh, hun, this is not your fault." A plump lady with a warm smile said. "In fact it is no one's fault, don't blame yourself." She said.

Her badge quickly flashed towards me, 'Nurse Katie' it read. She smiled at me as she was at complete eye level, "But I was the one he was driving to meet." I whispered.

"So? Are you the one that was driving the car?" She asked harshly. I glared at her through my tears, "How could you...? Are you saying it's Shawn's fault?" I asked shrugging her hand off my shoulder.

"You know that anger you are feeling right now? That's what everyone around you is feeling right now, hopelessly watching as someone blames themselves, it's probably what Shawn here will be feeling if he heard you tearing youself up over this." She said.

"It's not his fault, it's not your fault."