Giving up on you

Strong For Me

One Month After Accident

I was angry. I felt my fingers ball up into fits and bit down hard on my lips. I tried tuning out the stupid man that was standing in front of me, but I couldn't, the movement of his lips were mocking me.

"It's been a month." I shouted causing Karen, Manuel and the doctor to stare at me in suprise. "It's been a damn month and you have the freaking guts- hell you have the audacity to stand here and tell us he will be okay?!"

I clenched and opened my fists, "You're standing here telling us that he is improving? While his hands are getting colder, his breathing is slowing down, his cheeks have lost their colour and he is so pale? You telling me that is him getting better?"

"Because from where I am standing, it sure as hell looks like he is not okay, like he is getting worse, I may not have a PHD in anything like you, especially not in bullshit, if he isn't okay tell me."

"I can't continue to hear you say he is getting better because it plays with my head and heart it makes me hope, it makes me grasp onto that hope and allow it to grow, eventually all I can think is that 'Maybe today he will be awake when I get there, give me a lopsided grin and laugh about how I look like a mess'."

"So I need you to stop, stop lying to us and tell us the hard cold truth." The doctor looked at me with no emotion but motioned to Nurse Katie who was beside me in a blur.

She lead me to a chair and told me to control my breathing. "Slowly in slowly out." Her voice calmed me down. "Please tell me the truth." I breathed out a shaky breath. "Tell me the worst case scenario?"

"I'm afraid honey, it is not my position to disclose that information especially not with that little speech." She said nudging my shoulder.

"Remember when I said he will be okay? She asked. I nodded, "Well I meant it." She said quietly. I let myself drop into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest, "Promise?"

"Honey I can't promise, but I just want you to know if I say I mean something then I mean it."

~¤~

"I heard about your whole scene at the hospital..." My mom trailed off as I closed the front door. "Yeah." I prompted for her to go on.

"Honey, I love you so much and I might not understand what you are going through, but I can say you are being selfish. I mean you didn't have to say all that... infront of his parents."

"Take a walk in their shoes, the pain, the anger and frustration. If you need to talk to someone, talk to them but don't drag everyone else's feelings down with you." My mom said.

"You need to be able to control yourself in front of them. They need people to be strong for them." She added.

"But I also need someone to be strong for me." I said but my mind instantly went to Nurse Katie. She had been there for me for the past month, she had helped me control my emotions under pressure in most instances. She had been strong for me.