Giving up on you

Epilouge

I smiled as I looked at my receptionist, "Good morning Cathy." I said. She looked up from her computer. "Good Morning, you don't have any specific sessions today." She said. "Okay thank you, I'll just be in my office."

I went into my office and closed the door behind me. I breathed in the smell of coffee and roses. I went to my desk and looked through the files of some of my patients. When I reached Riley's file my heart dropped, we were both 26 years old going on completely different paths.

She was dealing with depression because of the terrible losses she suffered in her life. While my losses pushed me to study both an undergraduate and graduate degree in psychology in 8 years. And made me the psychologist I was today working in a partnership with different hospitals and patients of my own.

After sorting out my patient files and getting a coffee, I sat at my table about to write out prescriptions that were overdue. "Mickayla there is a man here to see you, he says he is a patient but I don't have him on the list." Cathy said over the phone.

"Send him in, but please also notify security of the situation just in case." I replied. "Will do." I waited patiently in my chair for the mystery man to come.

"Hey," A deep voice said breathlessly. I looked up from my desk and froze in mid greeting. "Shawn..." I trailed off thinking my eyes were deceiving me.

He was dressed casually. A simple pair of jeans and a t shirt with sneakers; it was enough for my breath to catch in my throat.

"Kiki, I don't think you know just how hard I've tried to find you." He said as he entered my office. "What?" I breathed out. "I was cleaning out my dorm room about 3 and a half years ago and I found this," he said as he lifted my diary. "I read it, and I read it and I read it some more."

He opened to the last page and I felt my cheeks heat up knowing exactly what was on that page.

He started to read:

"Dear Shawn,

This is it before I tell you in person I'm going to write my feelings down. I fell hard, it wasn't a drizzle it was a downpour. It was sudden and dangerous, I would find myself staring at your lips when you would talk, I found myself staring into your eyes when you would smile, I found myself doing not so best friendly things and thinking not so best friendly thoughts. I would play and replay stories in my head, anything and everything that made me think you loved me back in the same way a husband would love his wife. I drove myself to moments of insanity, there would be storms inside my head while my face was calm. But with you my heart would race and my fingers shake. I love you. More than a friend. More than a crush. I love you and it frightens me."

I felt tears in my eyes, just because many years had passed since I gave up on him it didn't mean the feelings just vanished. "Mickayla." I looked up and he stood in front of me. "I'm so sorry." He lifted my chin slightly.

"How could I ever forget you." He murmured. "I read the name off the diary when you told me you were giving up on me cause a part of me felt like we were connected and I wanted you to stay. But that moment was it for you when you left my hospital room. I'm so sorry about the pain I've caused you Kiki."

"You understood me faster than I understood myself. You were there for me when I desperately needed it. You believed in me and saw the musician in me before I did. I'm so grateful for who you were in my life. I know it's been 8 years since we last spoke. But the few years that I remembered who you were and the impact you had on my life made me realize I needed you. I needed you in my life just like I had before."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and I couldn't speak. Shawn pulled me in towards him and rested my head on his chest. "I love you Mickayla, unconditionally. And it would be my honor if I could take you out on a date tonight?" He murmured into my hair.

I smiled into his chest, this was literally all I wanted for most of my teenage years and when I thought all hope was lost it happened. The feelings were still there, I wanted this. "Yeah, that would be great Shawn."