LI JUN

Heartbreak

Shin sat on the edge of his bed, his phone laying by him. He was contemplating whether or not he should give Janet a call. It's past midnight, and he knew too well she's still awake.

He's worried Janet may not answer if he calls.

He gave a long sigh, boredom eating him tonight, so he took his chance and picked up the phone to call her number.

Her phone rang once, then twice and three too many times. If she's wanting to talk, she would have picked up by now.

By the fifth ring, Shin hang up the phone without waiting for voicemail. What's the point of leaving her a message if she's not going to listen?

To his surprise, his phone rang, Janet's name flashed on the screen. She called him back. Shin hurriedly picked up the phone and answered it.

"Janet?"

"Shin."

"Where'd you been? You never answer my calls or respond to my texts!"

Her voice wavered on the other side of the telephone. "I've been busy taking care of my mother."

"Too busy to even talk to me? I'm your boyfriend, Janet! You should make time for me." Shin tried to control his rising voice, but the crackling undermined it. He swallowed his breath trying to calm down, he can feel it in his chest, the tide of anger threatening to rise. He'd been holding on to it for the past week or so. "You should at least want to talk to me!"

Janet didn't answer right away, the longer she stayed silent, the heavier Shin felt. He can't stand it when Janet gets quiet. She has the tendency to give him the silent treatment whenever she's upset.

"I need some money, Shin." She spoke finally. "Send me money."

Shin could have swore he just sent her money through his Apple cash. He had the money scheduled to go though every other week for her. "Didn't you get the money I just sent?"

Her voice took on a softer tone, it mimicked of a ten year old child, trying to sound sweet and innocent. "Yeah, but it's been spent. I have a big familiy, we need more than what you give."

He expelled a frustrated breath. "I'm not trying to provide for your entire family. You already make me feel obligated to support you, and we're not even married. We're not even engaged!"

"If you love me, you'll send me more money."

Shin bit his lip, his entire body was rigid. Janet just tried to make him feel guilty. He felt guilty enough about being born rich when she wasn't. She has her way of subtly dropping her guilt trip every now and then - even back when they first met in Singapore.

After a long silence, Janet's voice took on a different tone. Anger traced her voice now. "It's not even your money! Just ask your dad for some more. Why are you being so stingy?"

He wasn't. He's well aware of Li Jun's blood money and doesn't feel good about spending it. He knows too well people suffered and some even killed for it.

"No, I can't." He said sternly. He knew how upset this was going to make her but it's time to put his foot down. "I can't send you anymore money. You have to come here...or...or..." He stumbled for words. "I can come visit for a day or two. I can leave as soon as possible."

There was hesitation behind her line. Janet hesitated and Shin could tell. "No, I can't accommodate you in my house."

"I'll stay in a hotel."

"No, Shin!" Her voice began to panic. "We have to plan it. You can't just come like that?"

"Why not? What changed? I remember you wanting me to come with you."

"Nothing changed, it's just that I'm bus..." Her line suddenly went silent, Janet covered her phone with her palm when a male voice came on.

Shin knew it was time to hang up after that. There was no point dragging the conversation further. He was angry and he felt like a fool getting taken advantage of. It didn't feel good. It made him insecure and it made him doubt himself.

How easy and fast he can be replaced. Not only by his first love and also his second.

He had suspected this, and he had anticipated finding out, and even prepared himself for the impact of finding out, but nothing could have truly prepared him for the pain when it finally comes.

It hurts.

He doesn't like feeling this type of pain. It makes him angry.

Shin didn't say goodbye or anything, he simply turned off the phone and laid it beside him. He did this quietly and as controlled as he can even though his shaking hand made it almost impossible.

He wanted to throw the phone on the wall. He wanted to yell how stupid he was. He wanted to cream what a fool he had been.