Our choice

|chapter 9|

Our Choice

Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.

✿

"Shai?"

"Hm," I mumble. We're still sitting on the bathroom floor, and with 'we' I mean Zoë and I.

Zoë unwraps her arms from behind my back. Also I lean back and blink a few times, to be sure that no new tears appear in my eyes.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on? I'm not pressuring you, I just want to help you," she says with a soft voice. I feel her looking at me, which gives me a comforting feeling, strange enough.

"I don't... I'm not," I hesitate. But as soon as my lips form these words, Zoë interrupts me.

"Don't Shai. It's okay. I understand if you don't want to talk about it." She moved her left hand to lay on my shoulder, trying to make me feel more comfortable.

"No Zoë, it's not that I don't want to," I say and fidget with my hands, "I just don't know how to tell you."

And it's true. I do want to tell her how I feel about Theo, I really do. I crave for someone to share this secret with, but how do I tell her? How do you tell someone your biggest secret? How do you tell someone that you have feelings for your best friend? It's not that easy.

"Well, step one is to get up and drink a cup of tea with me," I hear Zoë say.

I look up from my fidgeting hands and see a big smile on her face.

You see, this is what I love about Zoë; she always manages to make me feel better, smile even. She has this ability to make people feel happy even if they don't want to.

Some people told me before that I have that ability too, that I make people happy by just smiling at them. But I don't think I do, I don't see how I could make people happy, let alone making them smile.

A few seconds later, Zoë stands before me, on her feet already. "C'mon," she says and offers me her hand.

Grabbing her hand, I manage to get up from the floor. Immediately, I feel much better than I did a few minutes ago.

-----

"So, who's the bitch I need to kill," Zoë asks me while chewing on one of the cookies.

I let out a giggle. "First of all, he's not a bitch," I answer her.

When I look up at Zoë, I see her eyes widen. Not a few seconds later a smirk appears on her face.

"Oh, it's a he," she says and wiggles with her eyebrows.

"Yeah," I say, looking down at my hands, which are placed around a hot cup of tea.

"Did he...," she hesitates, "Did he break your heart?"

"What?" I look up, facing Zoë. "No, no. I would've told you if I had a boyfriend."

"You better hold on to that promise," she says and grabs another cookie. "But what did he do then?"

I look at my hands again when I answer her, "He didn't really do anything, that's the problem."

"You're confusing me, Shai," she says and knowing Zoë, she probably has a frown on her face.

"I just don't know how to say it," I admit and let out a sigh. "I think I am the one who's making myself sad."

"Why would you make yourself sad?", she murmurs and reaches for a new cookie.

I slap her hand away, making her drop the cookie.

"What the hell? Shai, I want a cookie," Zoë says hysterically. But I know she's only kidding because not a few seconds later, a smile appears on her face.

"You had like twelve cookies already," I say and frown at her.

"I don't care," she says with a wink, "since you're not eating anything they're all mine."

A sigh escapes my mouth. "Yeah, kind of lost my appetite to eat," I mumble and place my hands around the cup again.

Her smile fades as fast as it came, just like mine did. "Seriously Shai, you're making me worried."

"Don't worry. I'm okay," I mumble and my eyes drop to look at my hands.

I hear a sigh escaping her mouth now and she says, "Do you even hear yourself? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"

I murmur something like, "It doesn't," but Zoë interrupts me.

"Shai, what did he do? What did he do to make you feel like this?"

I close my eyes and think about what she'd do when I tell her about my feelings for Theo. She wouldn't tell him, right?

Zoë places her hands around mine, comforting me by squeezing my hand. "Who is this mysterious guy?"

I don't think she expected me to answer that question, and I wasn't planning on answering it either. But when his name stumbles through my mind, the words are out before I realise it. "Theo."

I feel her hands stiffen and I open my eyes. "Theo James? Like our co-star?" She asks as she furrows her eyebrows. I know she's trying to hide the fact that this surprises her, which it obvious did.

"Yeah, that's him," I say and look down at my hands again.

"Wait but... Did you guys have a relationship?"

I take a deep breath before answering her, to stop my voice from trembling. "No, I told you it wasn't like that," I mumble.

"Then what happened?" When I look up at Zoë again, I see that she's trying to act like this doesn't surprise her at all. But her eyes tell me a different story, she's worried.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone," I say, but I know it more sounds like I'm begging her.

"Pinky promise," she whispers and shows me her finger.

"Pinky promise," I repeat as I lock my pink with hers.

Before telling her, I take a deep breath. Placing my hands around the cup of tea again, I notice how nervous I am. My hands are shaking, or you could say trembling. I think Zoë notices that too, because when I look up at her, she gives me a nod, trying to tell me it's alright.

"I am in love with him."

As soon as I hear myself saying these six words, I wish I could take them back, wish I'd never said them in the first place. Because wasn't I the one who was so sure about not dating her co-stars? Wasn't I the one who promised herself to never change for a boy, for no one? That was me, right?

That's probably the reason why I expect Zoë to be at least a bit shocked. But she isn't.

Instead of gasping at me for what I just said, a smile appears on her face. It gets even weirder when she tells me; "Finally, I knew it would happen sometime."

Well, that is not what I thought her reaction would be.

AN: this new update is confusing me so much lol :')
I don't know why I keep getting votes lol I honestly think my writing sucks ;)