Our choice

|chapter 13|

Our Choice

I want to be the reason behind your smile, because surely you are the reason behind mine.

✿

"Theo," I call. "Theo!"

As soon as I see the black beanie, I know I found Theo. Getting closer to the bench he could be sitting on, I know for sure that my thoughts weren't wrong. Right before me sits a dark haired man, his faced covered in his own hands.

"Theo," I say again, louder this time.

He stirs up and locks his eyes with mine. But the moment he realises it's me who's calling him, his face softens. It's only then that I notice how red and puffy his eyes are.

"Come here," I whisper, opening my arms for him.

Theo gets up immediately, closing the distance by wrapping his muscled arms around me.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles. I feel his breath in my neck and notice that the butterflies in my belly are there again, just because of this one single touch.

"We agreed not to say 'sorry' anymore," I whisper softly as I pull back. Theo and I made this promise a few days ago, promising each other that we'd try to stop saying that.

"Well, I still am sor--,"

"Theo, stop. It's okay," I tell him and do my best to smile.

"I just kind of panicked when you told me you'd pick me up. It was not my intention at all, I didn't want to interrupt whatever you were doing." Theo lets out a silent sigh and lowers his eyes to the ground.

"You're right," I say, "I should've asked you first if it was all right that I would pick you up."

Biting my lower lip, I realise that this again, is my fault. Of course I should've given him some time to think about his problems with Ruth. He only asked for a place to sleep after all, right?

Theo looks up after hearing my reaction. "No, that's not what I meant," he says and furrows his eyebrows. "Don't for a minute think that any of this is your fault, Shai."

I give him a sad smile, "It is my--"

"No," Theo interrupts me. "None of this is your fault, it isn't."

Knowing that there's no way I'll possibly 'win' this argument, I try to change the subject. I exhale slowly and say, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Closing his eyes, he inhales deeply. When he opens them again, he answers me, "Yes, please."

"Do you want to grab something to eat or drink?" I ask, "Or have you eaten breakfast already?" As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realise I haven't had any food today.

"I've only eaten a muffin this morning, so we could stop somewhere," Theo answers, and I know he's doing his best to lighten up the situation.

"Okay."

-----

"Do you want me to drive?" Theo asks me.

"Please," I say with a giggle coming out of my mouth. I'm holding two cups of coffee; some cheetos for Theo and a salad for me. "Can you also open my door, please."

I hear a laugh coming from Theo's mouth when he says, "Sure."

After I found Theo sitting on a bench at the park, we drove to some ordinary market at the side of the subway. There was plenty choice of food, they had almost everything you can imagine. Which was ideal for both of us, since we have a very different taste in food.

"Here you go," Theo tells me after he opened my door.

"Thanks, dude," I answer and step into the car. Although it takes me much longer than usual, I manage to get in the car without dropping any of the food we bought.

When I'm placing Theo's bag of cheetos and my own salad between my feet, I hear that also Theo is stepping in the car.

"Please be careful," I say, handing Theo his coffee cup, "Don't drop it, this is my mom's car." A giggle escapes my mouth.

Theo mutters a 'thank you' as he takes his coffee. After that he smiles at me. "Still momma's little daughter, am I right?"

"What makes you think that?" I ask him and try to hide the smile that my mouth is forming.

"Oh, I don't know," Theo says, but I know he's only teasing me. "You have plenty of money but you still use your mom's car?" He raises his left eyebrow and smirks at me whilst I give him his cheetos.

"Just eat your food, Theo," I say and let out a little laugh.

I like the fact that Theo and I can joke about everything, no matter what's going on. For example, Theo was not in the best mood an hour ago, and neither was I. But look at us now, making fun of each other like nothing ever happened.

I love this man. I really do, I love him. But he doesn't love me, not in the way I love him, at least. And it hurts me more than anything could, it hurts more than you can imagine.

The next few minutes, there's only the sound of cars to hear. Theo doesn't say anything, neither do I. But unlike you might think, this kind of silence isn't awkward, not at all.

"Hey Theo?" I say, looking over at him.

He finishes taking a sip from his coffee. "Yeah?"

"Is everything alright between you and Ruth?" I ask and give him a smile when he looks up at me.

To be honest, I don't know if I care about the fact that Ruth might be upset. I mean, it's not that I really like her or something, but she must be a nice woman if she's Theo's girlfriend. Otherwise Theo wouldn't date her, right?

One thing I do know, is that I care about Theo. I care about him, a lot. And if he's upset about anything, I'll help him to get through whatever he's going through.

The sigh that comes out of Theo's mouth wakes me up from my thoughts. "I'm just going to be really honest with you, Shai," he tells me, and lowers his eyes. "No, there are things going on between us that are not alright, not at all."

"Theo," I whisper. I put my salad and cup of coffee away and lean closer towards Theo, trying to comfort him by placing my hand on his.

He moves his eyes to look at our hands. Which you could say, are holding each other, kind of. "Yeah?" He asks as he looks up at me. And by the way Theo stares into my eyes, it's only more obvious that he's hurt. You don't need to pay a lot of attention to see the hurtful look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I murmur. I don't know if he heard me though, because it was nothing more than a whisper. And I don't care about the promise we made earlier this week, to not say 'sorry' anymore. Because I do feel sorry for Theo, he doesn't deserve to feel like this.

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault. It couldn't possibly be your fault, Shai."

When I smile at him, my eyes turn down to look at our hands again. I would ask him what their fight was about, but I don't feel like it's the right thing to do. If he wants me to know, if he thinks it's important enough, he'd tell me about it.

"Let's get home," I say as I smile one last time. Theo looks up at me, giving me a smile back.

And I'm sure that the smiling man right before me, is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

AN: Hi everyone, I'm so so so sorry for not updating. Last few weeks were kind of rough for me and I didn't find the time to write something. Hope you understand :) and a big thank you to everyone who votes and reads my fanfiction, it seriously means a lot to me (:

I can't leave without telling something about Allegiant asdfghjkl. It felt like yesterday that I read the book, even though it's been like almost 3 years wow. AND SHEO IS REUNITED EVERYONE! Let's all pray for some new sheo pictures. :)