Our choice

|chapter 3|

Our Choice

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

✿

"Take a seat", I say, pointing to the couch. I try to avoid his eyes, still feeling awkward around him.

I was going to ignore him. But no. What did I do? I hugged him. Great job Shai.

I hear a sigh, "Okay Shai, what's wrong? And don't tell me it's nothing because this is not you. Not at all."

I shrug, "You know what it is Theo."

He has to know it right? Isn't it obvious? I ignored him for seven days, he has to know why I'm acting like this.

"Look at me when you talk to me, please?", he tells me.

I shake my head and shrug again.
How can I possibly talk to him like nothing happened? I told him my secret; he should be telling me he doesn't like me in that kind of way. Or either saying he does like me, in best case scenario.

Before I know what's happening, I feel his hand under my chin, lifting my face.

"Now talk to me", he says and looks deeply in my eyes. "Why did you ignore me for a whole week?"
So he doesn't know.

"What do you want me to say? There's nothing more I can say, is there?", I whisper. I'm not sure if he heard me, because my whisper was nothing more than some mumbling.

Apparently he did, because a small smile appears on his face.
But it's not one of his real smiles, one of those smiles he gives me when he's truly happy, when he smiles with his eyes.

I still remember the first time I saw him, also the first time I saw him smiling. Veronica, Neil and I, we were looking for 'Four', the hot guy who had to play my co-star. We had been looking for the perfect guy for weeks, months. And then he came in, Theo. He was one of our last chances, but in the end, I'm glad we waited for him. He entered the hot small room, and immediately his eyes connected with mine. And there you had it, a smile that could bright up this whole planet.
A smile of the guy I fell in love with.

But anyway, he might be smiling right now, but his eyes tell me a different story.
He's hurt.
I did this to him.

"I get why you felt embarrassed, how hard it was to admit that you're in love with your friend. But why did you have to ignore me? Why Shai?", he asks.
And I was right, I see a flash of sadness in his eyes.

"What did you want me to do?" I say, totally ignoring his question. Instead I try to find an answer in his eyes.
I need to know how he feels about this, what he feels for me.

"I don't know, maybe talk to me?", he says and lets go of my chin. "I'm your friend Shai. At least that's what I thought", he adds.

My eyes widen, "Yes. Yes Theo. It's... I... I just...," I stutter.

"Just what? Shai, listen to me, I don't care if you're in love with Nahko. I'm your friend, I'll support you no matter what. I promise", he tells me and lays both of his hands on my shoulders.

Nahko?
Wait. What?
What...
Nahko?

I take a step back and look at him, confused, shocked. "Nnno, no. Tthhheo, I don't", I stutter and shake my head.

"Hey, it's okay. I get it", he coos.

He tries to come closer to me, taking a step forward. But I place my hands on his chest, telling him to stop. I struggle backwards, making the distance between us bigger.

My hands are shaking, and it feels like the whole room is spinning around me. "Theo... I... I'm not...", I stutter again and feel tears making my cheeks wet.
"What's happening? Why are you crying, again?", I think.

"Shai, don't worry, it's okay?", he tells me and looks in my eyes, asking for an explanation, looking for an answer.

Not only my hands are shaking anymore, I feel my whole body filled with fear.

I'm still shaking my head like a crazy person, I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't.

Tears are rolling out of my eyes, and I'm not even sobbing, I'm not making any sound. Only tears, only tears running over my cheeks.

My mind is going crazy. I am going crazy.

"I'm not in love with Nahko", I want to shout, "I'm in love with you!"
But I can't say anything, it's like I forgot how to speak. I open my mound, trying to say something. But there's no sound, nothing.

And then everything goes black.

-----

"Shai", I hear.

"Shai, do you hear me?", a voice says.

I slowly open my eyes, but close them a thousand times faster when I see a flashing light. "God Theo, what are you doing", I mumble.

I hear the clicking sound of a button. "Sorry Shai", he murmurs. "I thought this would wake you up, looks like I was right."

Oh God, that voice.

I open my eyes for a second time and instead of seeing the light I saw before, I see Theo staring at me.

"Hi", he says.

I let out a little laugh, oblivious for what happened before. But immediately, I feel a immense pain in my head, which makes my smile fade as fast as it came.

"Do you want to sit up?", he asks me, worried.

"Yeah", I mumble.

He slides his arm under my neck and slowly helps me to sit up.

After I manage to sit comfortable, I look around. I find myself sitting on the black couch, probably more than a dozen pillows underneath me. On the coffee table, I see a flashlight. Which explains the flashing light from before.

"You did this?", I chuckle, pointing to the pillows like a child.

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind", he answers and winks at me.

I feel the butterflies in my stomach all over again, reminding me of how I missed this, how I missed him. I don't think it's healthy, to be this attracted to a person. I'm way too attracted to Theo, I can't even live a week without him. It's even harder to live like this when I need to hide my feelings for him. And I don't know how it came, I used to be this optimistic woman, who didn't care that much about what other people thought about her. But look at me now, sitting next to the man I've been hiding my feelings for since July 2013.
It changed me, he changed me.

I think of why we are sitting here, about the situation before. "What happened, Theo?", I ask him, looking deeply into his eyes.

"What do you remember?", he asks.

I feel a strong pain in my chest.
I remember everything.
"All of it, I guess", I say and focus my eyes on my fidgeting hands.

"Well, you passed out", he sighs and scratches his forehead, "you passed out after I told you it was okay to be in love with Na..."

"I'm not in love with Nahko, Theo", I interrupt him. "I'm not." My eyes connect with his and I try to look serious, which is almost impossible because of his sexy face.

God, what? Shai get yourself together.

He moves himself on the couch, so that he's facing me, "Hey love", he starts and takes my hand, "it's okay, I won't judge you."

I pull my hand back and it takes me a few seconds to answer him, "Theo no. I'm not. I swear, I'm not."

But the only thing I can think of right now is, "He called me 'love'."

AN: I don't really like this chapter oops. I hope y'all had an amazing day/night! <3
Do you want me to continue this story or nah?