Our choice

|chapter 10|

Our Choice

Never give up on something you cannot go a day without thinking about.

✿

"Finally, I knew it would happen sometime," Zoë says.

My eyes widen, shocked. What kind of reaction is that? How could she possibly have known that I'd fell in love with him? Is it so obvious that I like him, is it?

"Close your mouth, Shai. You're looking at me like I'm a zoo animal," Zoë smirks.

"How could you even-," I start to say, but it's Zoë who interrupts me.

"C'mon, it's not like a miracle that you two would fall in love-," she says and this time I interrupt her.

"Me," I say with a serious tone, "it's me who fell in love with him."

Zoë rolls her eyes and continues. "Whatever, it's not a miracle that one of you would fall in love with the other one. I mean, you've always had this special bond with him and I think I can speak for everyone when I say that you two were flirting most of the time."

'You've always had this special bond with him.'

I don't know if we do, but if we do, I'm going to ruin that 'special bond'. I'll ruin it by telling Theo what I feel for him, if I even tell him. Because when I tell him, he won't ever act the same towards me, and I don't want that to happen. Because I like the way he treats me, like I'm an independent and strong woman, who doesn't need anyone to take care of her. And God, I wish I was like that, I wish I didn't need anyone to take care of me. But little do I know that I do need someone. Little do I know that my heart wants to be as close to him as possible, that I won't ever be satisfied in life without him by my side. Little do I know that I need him more than anything.

"We never flirted," I say sternly. But deep inside I do see what she just said as a compliment.

"Yeah sure, even a five year old can see the way you guys look at each other, like you live in a world where only the two of you exist."

"Zoë, stop." I say. Covering my eyes with my hands, I continue, "I don't want to hear it."

"Or the way he places his hand around your waist at events, almost touching your-," she continues, totally ignoring my comment.

"Zoë! You're not helping at all," I burst out. But immediately I feel bad for losing my temper, and I keep wondering, what the hell is wrong with me? Of course, yes, I've had mood changes when I was a teenager, but I can't remember having mood swings like these. Tears well up in my eyes as I whisper, "Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

A sigh escapes Zoë's mouth. "No, I'm sorry, shouldn't have acted like that. But seriously, is there any way I could possibly help?"

I look up at her as I drop my hands, "Do you think I'd act like this if I knew what to do?" And for this one time, I let out everything I've been holding for myself these past few months. I'm finally able to show her how I really feel, how I deep inside feel about myself, which is vulnerable and unsure. I bite my lip as I feel a tear rolling down my cheek.

I'm done with acting like I'm strong, because I'm not.

"Shai," she says and stands up. In less than three seconds she's besides me, having her arms wrapped around me. "Shai, it'll be okay. He's not going to be annoyed with you. Neither am I, neither will anyone."

"You don't know that, you can't possibly know," I sniff and turn myself so that also I can wrap my arms around her shoulders. "He'll probably hate me. Oh God, Zoë. He'll hate me so much."

"He won't. You know him a lot better than I do, and even I know his heart is way too big to ever hate you. Shai, he cares about you, he won't ever let something like this ruin what you guys have," Zoë says. It sounds more like some mumbling though, because we're hugging each other very tightly.

I pull back. "And what is that, Zoë?"

When she gives me a confused look, I continue.

"What do I have with him? What does he feel for me? Maybe I mean nothing to him, nothing more than someone who's there for him when he needs it." I feel new tears forming in my eyes, but blink them away.

"That's not true-,"

"Yes it is," I interrupt Zoë, again. "I have no idea what I am to him. Zoë, he never tells me how he feels about me, how he feels about us."

"Well, do you?" She asks me, "Did you ever tell Theo what you feel for him?"

"No," I admit, keeping my voice low. I feel a tear rolling down my cheek, but quickly wipe it away with my hand. "And he promised he'd call me. He didn't even call me Zoë."

She lets out a laugh, "Shai, babe. He left this morning, don't tell me you expected him to call this early."

As I close my eyes, I sigh. "Secretly I did." Something close to a laugh escapes my mouth, "Oh Zoë. What did I do to deserve this? What the hell is happening to me?"

At that, I open my eyes once again and look at her. A smirking Zoë is looking back at me as she says, "You're falling in love, Shai."

"But it's different. I've never felt like this before. I've been in a few relationships, but never, ever I have been like this," I try to convince her. "I don't want to be like this, Zoë. I want to be the old me again. I don't like feeling vulnerable. I don't want to be like this."

"Calm down," Zoë tells me. I notice that I clenched my fists together and that my heart is beating fast. Way too fast to be healthy.

Taking deep breaths, I try to calm myself down. "Help me," I ask her, although it must sound like I'm begging her. "Please tell me what to do."

AN: Hi guys! I feel like a terrible person for updating once a week :') Sorry!
Have an amazing day <4