Our choice

|chapter 18|

Our Choice

Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realising that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

✿

It's been almost two weeks since I've talked to Theo, I haven't even heard something of him yet. I thought the anger I felt once I knew that this was all a lie, was enough to let him go, to end our friendship, to end whatever this is. But there hasn't been one single hour that his name didn't pass my mind. I've been thinking about him a lot, more than he probably thinks of me. If he still thinks of me. In all honesty, it wouldn't really surprise me if he doesn't, not anymore.

We didn't talk much after I mentally promised myself to do the good, better things for myself from now on. A few minutes later Ruth called, so Theo picked up his phone and they continued their conversation. Since I already had my shoes on, I was out within the second. I didn't want to hear another word coming out of their mouths. Certainly not Ruth's mouth, she's probably even glad that all of this happened. I mean, who wouldn't be?

Anyways, when I came back two hours later, Theo's things were gone. He had gathered everything that belonged to him and he had left. Although there's one thing he didn't take with him, a letter. Theo left me a small, tiny note written by himself. I've been reading it over and over these past two weeks, and the more I read it, the more confused I get.

Dear Shai,
As you might've seen already, I left. I think we can both agree that it was the best thing for me to do. After you left your apartment, I figured out that it wasn't right to keep talking to Ruth when she was one of the reasons this happened. Don't get me wrong, I understand that this is my fault, everything of this, all of this. And I fully take responsibility for it. But while I was talking to her, I came to the conclusion that it's better for everyone if I take a break. A break from Ruth, a break from my friends, and a break from you, Shai. Please don't get this wrong, I'm not running away from you nor whatever's going on between us, I'm not. If you need me for anything, you can find me in England or just simply call me. Even though we had an argument, I'm still the same person who was your friend and I hope we can continue to be friends. I'll be going to my family for a few days or weeks. And I totally understand if you're done with me, done with our friendship. What I did was wrong. But you know me, Shai. I'll try and do my best to fix this.
I hope you're okay,
Theo

I've read this thing countless times, and I still don't understand what's the purpose of it. Does he want me to call him? Or visit him? Or is this more like a farewell letter? I really don't get it.

I also thought he and Ruth were trying to fix their relationship, to make it better. But in his note he told me that he's taking a break, he's leaving her for the next few weeks. Which, in my opinion, is exactly the opposite of what I thought he was going to do.

If none of this had happened between Theo and I, I'd call him right away and tell him to stop doing whatever he's doing. To not leave Ruth nor his friends, and let's be honest, also not me. Instead of running away from his problems, he should face them. He should try to fix them as soon as possible. We all know I'm not the biggest fan of Theo and Ruth's relationship, but that doesn't mean I want them to be broken up.

Theo seriously isn't doing the right thing by running away from his problems, he really shouldn't have done that. But then again, he told me he isn't running away, he's just taking a break. Whatever he might mean with that.

I don't know what to do, I'm a mess. Am I mad at him for what he's done? Yes, of course. But do I still care about him, do I still have feelings for Theo, the man who lied to me? Yes, and I don't think these feelings will ever go away. At least not soon.

AN: I think this is one of the lamest chapters I've ever written. I apologise for that. :):

Anyways, I'm going on a holiday & I probably won't have WiFi so if I don't update for a few weeks you guys know why. Again, I'M SORRY! :(

Also kind of disappointed that Shai and Theo aren't attending Comic Con, but yeah hopefully next year! :)

Have a nice day! <3