Our choice

|chapter 20|

Our Choice

Remembering you is easy, I do it every day. Missing you is a headache, that never goes away.

✿

"Well, you miss him. You miss Theo. And that's pretty normal."

I nod. Although I don't know for sure Nahko's right. Is it really normal that I miss Theo, the man who may or may have not lied to me?

"I wish I didn't." Pulling back, I wipe away some of the tears on my cheeks. "I wish I didn't miss him."

"Be careful what you wish for," he says, as if I am the one who's making a terrible choice.

And I am most certainly not doing that, Theo is. He shouldn't have left me, nor Ruth. All he had or has to do is tell me if it's true, that he faked everything between us. If it's true, then my choice is made, then we're over with. But if it isn't true, if he didn't mean what he said back then, maybe there's a chance we can fix this. Whatever this might be. Anyways, I just want to know the truth, that's everything I'm asking for.

"I just don't know what I need to do," I sigh, "what he wants me to do."

"And with that, my friend, I can't help you. It's your choice, you have to decide whether you still want him in your life or not."

I nod once again, this time really agreeing with what Nahko says. Nobody can help me with this, not even Theo himself. It's a choice I have to make for me, for myself. Because this is my life, these are my decisions and I should be able to choose my own friends.

"But you know what?" Nahko asks me.

I shake my head. "Tell me."

"I know that, whatever your decision will be, it will be the right one. Good things will come from it," he tells me, "In the end, you'll be fine. You're definitely going to be alright, Shailene. I promise."

I exhale, a smile slightly growing on my face. "How can you be so sure of that?"

"Because I believe in the good things coming."

-----

Wrapping my fingers around the thin sheet of paper, I repeat the sentences he wrote.

"As you might've seen already, I left. I think we can both agree that it was the best thing for me to do."

It wasn't, Theo. I don't think it was. If you hadn't left me back then, I would know now how you felt about me, about our friendship. I wish you hadn't left. Come back. Please.

"Don't get me wrong, I understand that this is my fault, everything of this, all of this. And I fully take responsibility for it."

Yes, my friend. This, all of it, is definitely your fault. If you could be honest with the people you know, none of this would have ever happened.

For example, maybe you weren't honest with me. But then you should've told me earlier, dumbass. Then you should've told me that I wasn't a real friend to you, I would've gotten that. You shouldn't have made me believe that what we had was unique, special, when none of it was true. Or maybe you weren't honest with Ruth, maybe you don't love her as much as you used to. But then again, you should've told her that. Tell her what you really feel for her, and tell me what you really feel for me.

Why do you keep lying, my dear Theo? Why do you keep lying to everyone? And mostly, why do you keep lying to yourself?

"I came to the conclusion that it's better for everyone if I take a break. A break from Ruth, a break from my friends, and a break from you, Shai."

Well, your conclusion is wrong. I'm really not better of without you, I'm definitely not. And why the heck would you even need to take a break from me? It's not like I ruined everything between Ruth and you, or not even between us. This was your own choice, man. You shouldn't run away from your problems.

"I'm not running away from you nor whatever's going on between us, I'm not."

Oh yes, you are. You most certainly are. You are running away from everything, including me and our friendship, Theo. I'm not dumb.

"If you need me for anything, you can find me in England or just simply call me. Even though we had an argument, I'm still the same person who was your friend and I hope we can continue to be friends."

--or just simply call me.

Call me.

Call me!

He wants me to call him. All this time, I was waiting, hoping for some sign of Theo. While, at the same time, he was probably just doing the same. Maybe he's as desperate to hear from me as I am to hear from him. I just have to deal his number and start a conversation.

Theo's been waiting for me to call him. Good news; a call he will definitely get.

AN: really short chapter, I apologise!! It's almost 12 am and I just finished writing this oops!

I'm just not really sure how to keep this story going, in my opinion it's very messy and unrealistic :') and don't get me wrong, I absolutely love writing, love trying to put my feelings into words. But the fact that there's at least 30+ people who are waiting for me to update this story is kind of frightening and stressful oops :)

THAT WAS A RANT SORRY I HOPE YOU'RE ALL DOING FINE AND GREAT AND DON'T FORGET THAT I LOVE YOU AND SO DO A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE! <4

xoxo