Fervent Keeper (FK Series #3)

Kabanata 33

Ilang beses kong tiningnan 'yung email ko. It was again the email for confirmation of the scholarship for my master's degree. It was from New York University. My father was a friend of one of the professors there. Daddy has also reminded me about this because I was taking a lot of time to think about it. I wanted to grab this that's why I sent the necessary documents, but I was hesitating now that it felt like everything was falling apart.

"Sabihin mo na lang sa 'kin, Mon. The deadline for this would be on the next month. My friend's waiting for your response."

"Yes, Dad. I'll let you know po."

An opportunity was knocking, and here I was having doubts. I don't want to leave Lander, not when our relationship was starting to get rocky.

Lander became busier the next few days. Kung dati ay kaya niya pang gawan ng oras para sa akin ay ngayon hindi niya magawa. Mas lalo ngayon, dahil naging matunog ang pangalan niya sa showbiz. He started doing shoots and commercials. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya napapagsabay lahat. Tutol ako sa mga desisyon niya pero wala akong magawa kung hindi ang sumuporta sa kanya.

Because he was embracing fame, people were starting to question our relationship. Mas lalo ring naging mahirap sa akin dahil mas lumalala 'yung pagseselos ko.

"Love. What are you thinking?" he asked. We were now at his condo, spending our time together. We haven't seen each other for two weeks. I buried myself on the crook of his neck.

"I'm jealous, Lander," I told him. "You're not going to cheat but here I am thinking that there might be a possibility that you will. Ang sama ko bang girlfriend?"

He pulled me closer to him. "You aren't. I'm sorry. What can I do, Farrah? I'm giving you all the assurance you need. What else should I do, huh?"

We stared at each other. I slowly moved away from him. I felt a pang on my chest. I knew this would lead again to another argument.

"Hindi ko alam. Saka na lang siguro tayo mag-usap."

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Because this will lead into an argument, Lander. Nakakasawa na."

"What are you saying?" His voice was etched with pain.

"I'm getting tired, Lander. Minsan na lang kung magkita tayo tapos napupunta pa sa away." Tumayo ako saka kinuha ang mga gamit ko.

"We have to settle this out," marahang sabi niya. He grabbed my hand. "Wag na tayo mag-away uli."

"Uuwi na nga ako."

"Pag-usapan natin nang maayos. Sabi mo, napapagod ka na."

I finally turned to him. "Can't you see that we're running in circles?! Nag-aaway tapos magbabati. Tapos gano'n uli. Aren't you tired of that?"

"Because you're making a fuss out of something that you shouldn't be worried of."

"Is it my fault now?"

"It's all on your head, Farrah. You're thinking low of me. You keep thinking that I am cheating with you when in fact, I won't and will never! Ano pa bang gusto mong gawin mo? Binibigay ko naman lahat. I am always here for you, making you realize that it's you whom I would choose all the time." He sounded hopeless. "Hindi pa ba sapat 'yon? What else do I have to prove?"

I couldn't even dare to look at him because at the back of my head, it's clearly my fault. Nauna akong umalis. Hindi ko na siya hinayaang ihatid ko. Alam niyang mas lalo akong magagalit kapag ipipilit niya pa.

I had too much of what was going on in my head, and my feelings were all over the place.

"Do you want us to live together?"