you dumb, sad bitch

what i wish i could say.

i think it's time i listen to my own advice. i'm always encourage people to block someone or to cut them out of the picture, because i can always see clearly from the outside looking in, but it seems that i'm unable to do that for myself. i think it's best if we're no longer friends. that you no longer associated yourself with me, and i do the same with you. before you start, this is not about your fucking boyfriend. actually, i should thank him. because of him you showed me your true colors, and i don't think they're very pretty, i'm fact, i think they're ugly and vile. no no, he has nothing to do with this. this was all you. you finally found a boy that gave you the attention you wanted and decided that no one else in your world was relevant anymore. you haven't been a good friend to me, or anyone else. you ditched going with me to my brothers wedding for him. you took advantage of my hospitality for him. you left my uncles fucking funeral without saying a WORD to me or even LOOKING MY FUCKING DIRECTION, so you could go to him. you treat me like a fucking stranger for him, because he doesn't like me. you treat me like i'm a dirty little secret. it's like you call and text me CRYING and SOBBING about HIM behind his back, but whenever you see me in public you don't even know who i am. all for him. i hope it was worth it, i really fucking do. sacrificing all of your friends, all of the ones who REALLY fucking loved you, for him. i hate to do this, i do. it hurts my heart more than you can possibly imagine but it's been a long time coming. you don't respect me, or yourself. the fact that you had the nerve to scream in my fucking face because i asked you not to take advantage of me should've been my first sign, but i let it slide because i love you. i don't know why i allowed you to keep hurting my feelings, but i did. but now i'm done. i won't let it happen any more. i wish the best for you, i really, really do. but i also hope he breaks your fucking heart and it all catches on fucking fire. i hope you get lonely from cutting off all of your friends for him, and i hope you become the topic of their bonfire conversations, just like all of his other ex-girlfriends, and i hope it hurts like nothing you've ever felt before. but most importantly, i hope you understand exactly what i've been talking about. i hope you learn from it all. and i hope you realize that you don't get another chance with me. i hope you look back on all we had and realize how bad you fucked up. and no, this isn't because i want to control you or tell you what to do, that's not my fucking place and i'm aware of that fact. i'm not your parent, and i'm damn glad about that because if i was i think i'd lose my fucking mind. this is because i'm mature, and you're not. this is because even after you two break up and you find a new boy toy, it's all going to happen again, because this is the real you. i thought i've known you longer than he has, but apparently i was wrong. because the you i know would never treat people the way you have. this is because my parent taught me a different version of what's okay and what's not than you were taught. this is because my parent taught me how to respect myself and other people, and yours didn't.

i hope he was worth it.