you dumb, sad bitch

7:51pm

  song: the night we met by lord hurron/ suicidal by YNW melly

two weeks and four days. that's all it took for him to leave. that's all it took for him to decide he'd just rather be single. that's all it took for me to be alone again.
   and i was right, it hurt really, really badly when he left. we didn't talk for long i know but i was finally getting used to the feeling of being liked again. i was finally getting used to the warm feeling in my chest that i got when he messaged me or looked at me. i was finally getting happy again, i started gaining motivation and energy slowly but surely. now i'm back at square one. dancing around the void doing whatever i can to fill it for as long as i can until it eventually becomes not enough.
  he's acting as though nothing even happened. as if i wasn't his first kiss. as if we didn't have memories. i just don't get it. how can he go from telling me he can't wait to date me and that he's so happy that he met me to acting like i'm a stranger. it makes no sense. maybe he lied about it the whole entire time. you can't just wake up and not want somebody.
   i feel stupid and numb again. i should've known it was too good to be true. nobody could actually treat me that good or like me that much in such a short amount of time.
silly me. again.
   always the fool.

  it's been an hour since what i last wrote. i asked him why he left, and he simply said "i lost feelings." but that's not good enough for me. i want to know why. i want to know what i did. it doesn't make any sense at all. i was with him the night before he left me, and everything genuinely perfect. we sat in his truck and he laid his head in my lap and looked at me like i was the most beautiful thing in the world.
  i want to know what happened to make him leave like this, but i can't talk to him anymore. i can't make myself do it. but i know i need to get the answers, in order to let it go.