I'm not leaving you || beeduo

14

Tw: panic attack, derealization(?)

Ranboo POV 

I stood in the doorway of Tubbo's room, staring at him. He was wide awake, staring at me, with his phone lighting up his face. Panicked thoughts rushed in and out of my mind. 

'was he awake when I kissed his cheek??'
'does he know??'
'why is he staring at me like that??'
'he's going to reject me, isn't he'
'what do i do?????'

Me and him just stared at each other before he spoke up.

Tubbo turned off his phone and turned to face me. "Can I- uhm, c-can I talk to you about something?" 

"y-yeah sure.."

I went over to his bed, stumbling a little on the way. He patted the spot next to him and I sat down. It took him a while to speak, but when he did it was mumbled and quiet. 

"sorry- what did you say?" 

"I, uhm..." he trailed off. 

"I was awake, w-when you kissed me."

It took a second for the words to really sink in. I was panicking more than I thought was humanly possible. I was sure I was done for. The world ripped and crumpled around me like a piece of paper and turned black. The black void slowly started to take Tubbo in its grasp. I watched in silence as he faded into nothing. Looking down at my hands, I realized they were disappearing as well. Looking around, everything was black and there was a slight ringing sound penetrating my ears. 

'he hates you for what you did'
'you made him uncomfortable'
'your relationship will never be the same again'
'you ruined it'

'its all your fault. its always been your fault'

 The ringing sound became louder and louder in my head. Putting my fading hands on my ears and pulling my knees to my chest, I began to breath heavily. It was like I was in a nightmare, but the only thing scary was how empty everything was. I felt like I was going to die. Someone shook my shoulder, but it felt distant and faded

Tubbo POV 

"I was awake, w-when you kissed me." I murmured and stared at my hands. Ranboo was quiet for a few minutes, which I thought was strange. There was some shuffling too. I didn't look up, however. 

After another minute of waiting for a response, I heard heavy breathing coming from my left. I turned my head to see Ranboo, hands on his ears and knees pressed up to his chest. It looked like he was having a panic attack. Tears started streaming down his face but he kept his eyes closed shut. 

I shook his shoulder. It didn't do much. I started to panic. 

'UH OH UM HOW DO I HELP???' 

I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I hugged him. He hesitated at first, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled on the back of my shirt. 

"sorry..." he whispered and let go of me. "y-you can continue what you were saying, sorry for making you wait."

"You sure you don't need a minute?"

He looked down. "yeah just say what you were going to say." 

I stayed silent for a little bit. I was scared, but I knew I needed to say it eventually. I used all my courage and just spit it out. 

"Ranboo, I-... I really like you. As in, I have a crush on you." 

Ranboo's head shot up and he stared at me in disbelief, his eyes filled with so many emotions and his cheeks still tear stained.

"I really like you too Tubbo." he said finally. 

My face heated up. "R-really.?"

"y-yeah."

We stared at each other in silence for what felt like hours. Then I thought of something. 

"Can I kiss you?" I asked nervously. This must've caught Ranboo of guard, because his face glowed a deep red and he started stuttering a lot. 

"I- I- uh- wha- I- wait- uh- um-" I giggled at how flustered I made him. He sighed deeply and stared into my eyes. "Yes you may."

I didn't waste a second and pulled him towards me. As soon as our lips touched, it was like fireworks exploded in my chest. It felt amazing. Ranboo placed his hands on my jaw and deepened the kiss. 

I pulled away and immediately dug my head into his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist. I could hear his heart beating 30 times a second. "Someone's clingy," Ranboo joked and patted my head. "shut up I'm tired," I spoke into his chest, and even thought it was muffled, he still heard it. "Want to go to sleep then?" "yes please."

Me and Ranboo got snuggled into my bed as we cuddled for the rest of the night. 

Time skip to the morning

I woke up in my bed and was overwhelmed by an amazing aroma. It was like apple cider and new clothes. I opened my eyes to see where it was coming from. In front of me was a sleeping Ranboo, who's dirty blonde- almost brown- hair was glowing in the sunlight. I can't see how anyone couldn't fall for him. As I was observing the beautiful boy, I realized how hungry I was. Not wanting to disturb him, I carefully slipped out of his grasp and walked downstairs.

As I was pouring myself a bowl of cereal, a sleepy Ranboo walked into the kitchen. 

I turned around to face him. "Sleep well?"

He just nodded and grabbed a banana. Me and him sat down at the kitchen table and ate our breakfast in a comfortable silence. 

"Just a banana?" I asked and he nodded again. I laughed a bit. "Too tired to talk?" Another nod. 

One of my sisters, Lani, came downstairs a minute later and made herself some toast. She kept winking at me and signalling towards Ranboo, but I just rolled my eyes. Luckily, Ranboo was too tired to acknowledge what was happening. 

Once we were both finished, Me and Ranboo went back up to my room to get ready for school. I really didn't want to go, but we had to. 

"Alright, you can have some of my bigger clothes for today since you don't have any." I told him and tossed him a pile of clothes. Picking out my outfit for the day, I went to the bathroom to change there. I finished up relatively quickly and walked back over to my room. 

There he was, the prettiest boy in my clothes. I could feel my face heat up just looking at him. 

"you're really beautiful in my clothes," I complimented, not realizing I said it out loud. I wanted to appear confident though, so I pretended like I meant to say it. I know it worked because Ranboo's face got really red as well. I giggled at his response as he smiled at me. 

We got our backpacks and water bottles and headed off to school, holding hands on the walk there. 

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HEYOOO

this was such a rollercoaster of emotions my god-I dont really know what I was doing here, or what im doing in general, but people seem to like the story, so im gonna try to finish it. 

I was rereading my other book from like months ago and wow my writing has barely changed at all. you'd think i'd at least improve a bit. 

but anyway, i hope you all are well, and if you arent, its gonna get better i promise. 

buh bye my friends :)

words: 1233