I FOUND LOVE IN THE DARKNESS

PROLOUGE

*"Again, my name is Serenity. I'm happy I could provide clarity on that topic. Thank you for contacting MVM Customer Service. Have a great day."

Hayyyy nag inat- inat ako ng kamay nakakapagod din pala mag call center. It's been 4 months since I decided to stop studying in college and I will just work in call center.

Sino ba naman kasi ang magaganahan mag aral sa online class? That system of education makes their student question their strength and ability. Mahirap mag online class lalo na pag wala naman kayong wifi sa bahay tapos cellphone pa ang gamit.

Dapat mag thithird year college nako sa opening ng klase. Oo alam kong sayang pero nawawala na kasi ako sa sarili ko, I lost myself, I lost my inner peace, My mental health is not on state. Yung tipong nagpapasa ka nalang para makapasa yung wala ka ng natututunan. Tapos mag kaka anxiety kapa yung tipong iiyak ka nalang bigla bigla tapos di makatulog gabi gabi dahil andaming nabubuong what if's sa utak mo and worst your family give all the pressures on you.

Kaya sabi ko mag cacall center nalang muna ako to provide our needs, ang hirap din pumili kong yung perang binigay sayo e pa pa load mo sa pag aaral or ibibili niyo ng kakainin niyo. Diba? syempre pipiliin talaga natin na maka kain lalo na yung pamilya natin.

Heto pa, I need to act strong in front then when I'm alone I always break down, I always cry who wouldn't be? if you only saw darkness, if you only feel pain and loneliness. If you already lost yourself. I know I'm not just the only one who suffers from this because there are a lot of people who suffer from anxiety and depression.

Nakakatawa lang yung mga taong iniisip na nag iinarte yung mga taong nakakaranas niyan. Ang dali sa kanilang mag judge without them knowing na hirap na hirap na yung taong yan lumaban para ipagpatuloy ang buhay niya, na kahit parang walang saysay na yung buhay niya patuloy siyang gumagawa ng paraan para ipakita sa iba na okay lang siya. That's what I feel and it's sad because the someone I could lean on the someone who I am comfortable to cry left me. Funny isn't it? Umalis siya sa panahong kailangan na kailangan ko siya sabagay ako naman yung may mali.

*"Ms Martinez. biglang sabi ng lalaking nakatayo sa tabi ko kaya bigla akong napabalikwas at bumalik sa katinuan ko. Yes sir?" pasiring na tanong sa kanya, ewan ba naiirita ako sa lalakeng ito siya lang naman ang team leader namin.

*"Lunch? I mean sabay tayong mag lunch. It's almost lunchtime and here you are still daydreaming hayyyyy Ms Martinez." tsaka pinitik yung noo ko.

Tumayo ako para labanan sana siya kaya lang naisip ko pano kong mawalan ako ng trabaho. Ano ipapakain ko sa pamilya ko? *"If you say so Mr chikboy," tsaka ko siya ginawaran ng nakakairitang ngiti, HAHHAHAHA chikboy naman talaga siya ah ke bago bago ko dito ako nanaman yung nakita niyang pag tripan ilang beses na nga ba kaming magkasamang mag lunch, minsan na tsitsismis nako dahil sa lalaking to eh, kay dami daming babae don bakit ako pa.

Hinawakan niya yung kamay ko at maglalakad na sana nang inalis ko yung pagkakahawak niya, gusto ata talaga to ng tsismis eh kainis. He looked at me and stifle his playful smile at hinawakan ulit yung kamay ko bago naglakad. ahhhh nakakainis na siya sarap niyang ipalapa sa buyawa ng buhay. Maraming nakatingin samin habang palabas kami ng office, yung iba tingin ng pang marites, yung iba naman ay naiingit sino ba naman ang hindi maiingit parang greek God ang katabi ko, Magaganda ang chinitong mata, makapal na kilay at pilik mata, matangos na ilong mapupulang labi, at isa pa umiigting na panga. Akala ko nababasa lang yan sa mga novela eh meron pala talaga yun sa totoong buhay. Pero kahit gaano siya kagwapo nakakainis padin siya para sakin, maloko klaseng lalake at sarap upakan ang mukha para pumanget HAHAHAHHAHA.

Babawiin ko na sana ulit ang kamay ko kaya lang mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang pagkahawak at tuloy tuloy lang
sa paglalakad.

*"Ano ba Mr Zapanta bitawan mo yung kamay ko. Napag uusapan tayo sa ginagawa mo." Singhal ko sa kanya nong makalabas kami sa opisina. Eh bakit ba hehehehe asa labas na kami ng opisina tapos lunch time walang boss boss dito hahahha.

*"You don't have to worry about anything Serenity as long as alam mong wala kang ginagawang masama. People will always have something to say negatively, it is just up to you if you take their words seriously or you will just ignore what they are saying."

*"Bakit hindi ba masama na makasama ka mag lunch? Boss kita nakakataas ka sakin, kaya mali yun sa mata ng tao at ka opisina natin mali yun." Pasigaw ko na sagot kasi naiirita na talaga ako sa kanya why this man is so persistent to irritate me.

*"Walang mali ang makasama ka kumain, walang mali kung magkasama tayo, there's nothing wrong with that. it's just that people always take it wrong." pabulong nasabi niya na parang nag susurender na sa kasungitan ko

*"Yun na nga eh, mali sa paningin ng iba, and I don't want others to have something to tell about me. I'm so exhausted from all of their judgment. You're just telling me that because you didn't know how much it hurts and affect me." I turn my back to him because I don't want him to see me with the urge to cry. He didn't know how much I'd been through. No one knows how much I suffered, no one knows how many sleepless nights I had, how much I cried, how much I needed help to let me out in the dark but I don't want to be a burden to someone.

Akala ko umalis na si Aiden pero nabigla na lamang ako ng biglang may yumakap sa aking likuran. His breath is heavy, I don't understand why he's doing this. *"I don't know what happened to you but I promise you, I will always be there for you."

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Thank you, for reading hope you'll support me in my journey