18. Thomas

262 10 14
                                    

writing

does not come

as easily

as it used to,

these days

I try so hard to

remember

what it felt like to

once love you

when those days

loving you was all

I had ever known.


Do you ever have that feeling of loneliness? Like you're completely alone when you know someone should be right there next to you? 

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Do you ever have that feeling of loneliness? Like you're completely alone when you know someone should be right there next to you? 

For Thomas that was a rare occasion, he never remembered ever feeling that way. He had always had someone, albeit it was usually his mom, but it was always someone.

Today was one of those days where when he woke up, and he was alone. His bed was unusually cold, normally warmed by the presence of Newt who never seemed to leave his side. So where was he now? He felt a terrifying itch in the back of his throat as he pushed himself into a sitting position, his bony fingers tried to rub away the sleep from his eyes. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and he pushed himself to his feet. As he walked down the hall, he swallowed that familiar wave of nausea that threatened to overtake him and he walked down the stairs.

"Hey, sweetie, what're you doing up?" his mother was at his side in an instant when he finally made it down the stairs. He sometimes wondered if she had some sort of radar on him by the way she always knew him too well.

"Where's Newt?" he asked, his voice still carried the rasp from sleep as his mom lead him to the comfort of the couch.

"Oh, honey, I'm not sure. He left earlier this morning. I guess he had an appointment or something." Thomas blinked slowly, exhaustion hitting him like a truck just from his small trek from his room.

"Did he say what kind of appointment?" he asked, moving to lay down with his head in his mother's lap. She stroked his hair delicately; it was in a fragile state now and threatened to leave in clumps at the slightest movement.

"No, he didn't." Thomas closed his eyes, he wondered if it was just his exhausted state, but he pondered over whether he could detect a slight edge in her voice as she spoke. There was a brief silence before anyone spoke again. "Have you talked to him recently honey?" she asked.

"Kind of," Thomas croaked. "Not really," he admitted.

"I think you should talk to him. I know you're going through a lot right now but I think maybe he is too." Thomas felt a small ache in his heart, something tugged at his emotions and he could feel his eyes welling up with betraying tears. Then, as if on queue, the front door was pushed open and Newt stumbled through on unsteady feet. Thomas sat up, the ache in his head started to pound and he had to blink away the clouds of black that crept into the sides of his vision.

"Hey, Tommy." he smiled as he padded over, his lips meeting his forehead in a gentle kiss. Thomas's mother stood up then, and left them alone together. Thomas closed his eyes again, he didnt want to have to process what he was seeing. The Newt that he saw before him was a ghost of what he used to be. He looked like he hadn't slept in days and he'd obviously dropped some weight. That wasn't the most startling part though, it was the tube of oxygen that had been wrapped around his face and the tank he dragged behind him.

"Newt, are you okay?" he tried to keep him composure, but the crack in his voice gave him away. Newt walked over to the side of the couch and took a seat next to Thomas.

"Tommy..." he trailed off, though the answer was obvious. The tears that betrayed him earlier were now streaming freely down his cheeks as realization hit him.

"No," he gasped quietly. "it's not true." he cried softly, hoping against hope that his mother didn't hear this exchange from the other room.

"Tommy, it's going to be okay." Newt said softly, pulling the brunette into his arms. His tears soaked into Newt's shirt as he sniffled.

"But.." he trailed off again and pulled away from Newt. His fingers pushed away any tear that trailed down his cheek now, the touch that was usually so warm and inviting now was icy cold. "What did they say?" he asked, not really wanting to hear the answer but he was so keen to know.

"Tommy, I don't think I should." Newt sighed, his tired eyes looking Thomas up and down and then pulling his hand into his embrace.

"Please." Thomas gasped desperately. His heart was slowly shattering in his chest, he could feel piece by piece as they tumbled away and down into his gut.

"I felt an ache in my hip, some time ago. So I went in for a scan, and-" he swallowed thickly, his eyes betraying his words. "it lit up like a damn firecracker." he whispered, closing his eyes so he didn't have to see the look on Thomas's face.

"Are you..."

"Its spread to my lungs, Tommy, and my lymph nodes. I...it doesn't look good." Tears were falling down his face, one after another in another in an endless stream.

"But you can't!" Thomas gasped desperately, "This cant be happening."

"I know." Newt whispered, pulling Thomas into his embrace again. "It'll be alright. We'll be alright." Thomas sobbed softly, sniffling at his words. He couldn't bear the thought of having to be without Newt, not even for a minute, or an hour.

"You'll be okay, Tommy."


A/N: I think that every time i write a short chapter it sucks but my brain is betraying me rn

hope yall enjoy :-)

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