Be your own strength your own light your own hero and you will never need another to save you again.
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"Hey, there he is!" Newt was met with a hard clap on the back, his skin instantly stinging from impact. He smiled through a grimace as he greeted his new friend. "Where were you last week? You missed all of the depression."
Gally met Newt at the entrance to the old church and wrapped his arm around Newt's weak neck. Newt tried to lighten his mood for his friend, knowing that he had no time for his dampened mood. He felt himself getting progressively worse as the days went on, it was increasingly harder for him to get out of bed and even wake up in the mornings. Sometimes he often found himself in his own home again, living through his days without even the company of Button to ease his mind. She seemed to have found her new home with Thomas, not that he minded because he knew that one day when he was gone that she would be welcomed there and loved just as much by Thomas himself.
"Couldn't make it." he just shrugged, not wanting to divulge on the real reason why he hadn't made his appearance. Gally had obviously chosen to ignore the oxygen tank that Newt had now started to drag behind him, he made no move to talk about it or even spare it a glance.
"Well, glad you made it here this week." he said, finally removing his arm as they approached the room where the meeting would take place.
"Yeah, it's good to see you too." he said, suppressing an eye roll at that. He couldn't help but wonder if Gally was intentionally ignoring Newt's deteriorating appearance for his own sake or for Newt's.
"You have plans after?" The two boys took chairs next to each other in the half circle in the center of the room and Newt shrugged. Thomas would probably be asleep when he got back considering how late it would be. He had no real place to go. "Good, you can hang out with me then." Gally playfully shoved Newt's shoulder and he offered a tight-lipped smile in return.
"Okay." he agreed halfheartedly. As the meeting came to a start, Newt once again found himself lost in his own thoughts. He couldn't will himself to participate or even divulge in his own story. He found himself thinking of his father, often wondering when the next time he would see him again would be, and if it would be any time soon. He didn't know what dying felt like, he had never gotten near as close to death as he was now and couldn't help but think that he would be seeing his father again sooner than he thought.
Then he thought to his mother, the only time he had actually seen her recently was at his doctors appointments. She was there for everyone sure, but he couldn't help but think that it was only because she was a doctor at the same hospital where he had his treatments. He craved her attention more now than he ever had; he wanted the motherly touch that he had often seen Jess give to Thomas. And though she often treated him the same way, it wasn't always the same. His mother was supposed to care for him while he was sick, he shouldn't always have to rely on himself or someone else's mother.
He sighed, trying not to wallow so far into his own self-pity too much and let his eyes gaze to the leader of the meeting as he spoke. But his ears didn't pick up what he was saying. He could comprehend that his lips were moving, and words were definently coming out but there was no sound. He couldn't get his mind to focus on the meeting anymore and he wondered why he was even going anymore. Maybe it was just an excuse to get out of the house, maybe it was something else, he didn't know.
Though, sooner than he realized it, the meeting was over and he was being dragged to his feet. His mind was in a daze however, he couldn't seem to get his thoughts in order as he numbly walked toward the door. He assumed it was Gally by his side as they pushed through the front door and out into the night sky. The cool air seemed to sharpen his sense a little bit, but he still couldn't bring his attention to what was happening around him. Something was wrong.
He felt someone nudge his shoulder, trying to get his attention but the vision around the corners of his eyes were going dark, his lungs felt like they were collapsing and suddenly breathing was becoming too hard. He felt like air was just out of grasp, like he had just finished running a marathon and he couldn't catch his breath.
The sky was spinning and his chest was tightening. He let out a desperate cry from his lips as the world began to collapse around him. He was vaguely aware of the outlines of shapes and bodies as they crowded around him, each and everyone had a look of fear and desperation as they gazed down upon him and the last thing he saw before consciousness had faded completely was Gally.
**
He found himself looking down at Thomas as he slept, he watched the frail frame move gently as he inhaled and exhaled in an effortless sleep. For the first time in a long time, he felt his own mind at peace and when he looked down at his body, he was in perfect condition. His leg, once lost in a fight with cancer had been restored. His heart lurched in his chest, he didn't believe this was true, how could this have happened? Unless-
He closed his eyes, his hand absently going to his newly restored leg and he rubbed the warm flesh. Was he dead? Was this the afterlife? It was strange, he didn't feel dead, though he wasn't really sure what death felt like in the first place. Maybe this was it. But why was he here now? Watching Thomas as he slept? Surely there was more to death than just hovering over loved ones.
"Newt." his head turned so fast that he was sure that he would have snapped his neck.
"Dad?" he watched the tall figure emerge from a faded white background, the white fading like clouds as he emerged. "What's going on? Am I-" but he couldn't find the words to truly ask if he was dead. Somehow despite all of this, he couldn't really voice his suspicions.
"No." he offered a grim smile and as he approached he noticed that his father, though he was there, he was transparent. The clouds of white moved through him as though he wasn't even there.
"You're not dead, Newt." his ghostly hand reached out and grasped Newt's shoulder sending a chill down his spine. Newt felt a mixture of relief and disappointment as he listened to this.
"But-"
"It's good to see you." Newt felt a string of emotion well in his throat as he looked again at his dad, evaluating him under a new light. He looked happier now than he ever remembered him being in his last few weeks on earth and he was suddenly overcome by sadness at this. Had he been so blind before that he never noticed his dad's despair?
"Why did you have to go?" Newt said, the crack in his voice betraying him on his last word.
"I'm sorry, Newt, earth was not the place for me. I didn't want to abandon you like I did and I regret that every day, but you have to understand I am happier here." his hand moved from Newt's shoulder to cup his face, a sad smile adorning his lips.
"I understand." Newt said whether he actually believed it himself or not he didn't know but he had to let his father know he forgave him.
"It's too soon for you to join me here." he told him. "He needs you." he said, nodding his head to a still sleeping Thomas who seemed so far away now.
"But I want to be with you." Newt said, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "I miss you."
"I know, but it's not your time, son." he looked to Thomas again, he seemed so small and weak compared to Newt's redefined body.
"When will I be with you again?" he found himself asking, as his heart plummeted into the depths of despair as his father's figure slowly began to fade away.
"You'll know." his dad pulled him into a tight embrace and as he held Newt, he could feel the figure slowly fading away into nothing until he was standing there alone with only Thomas to keep him company. Though he had his leg back, and everything he had ever seemed to have wanted since he had gotten sick, he couldn't help but feel like something was wrong, something was still missing. And when he looked up again and saw Thomas, he knew what it was.
