The Last Breath | YoonMin

29

'' I do.''

'' Jimin, are you sure this is what you want...?'' My mom asks, as she looks at me with tears in her eyes. 

I nod my head in agreement, having trouble keeping my eyes open. 

''Alright then, I will be back tomorrow. If you still agree by then, we will go ahead and continue the euthanasia. 

I softly thank the GP as he says goodbye to me and my family, while Jihyun walks him outside. 

I feel a sense of peace wash over my body, finally the pain is going to end. 
Yoongi slowly takes a seat next to me on the bed, sofly raising my head to fix my pillow. 

''You did good baby.'' He mumbles, and I find a soft, but sad smile on his lips. 

I know this is not how everybody imagined it to go, not even me. I always saw myself fighting till the end, to stubborn to give up. 
But God... At this moment I would do anything for this to stop. 

Don't get me wrong, ofcourse I'm not willingly choosing to go and leave everyone and everything behind. 
But I am choosing to stop the pain, the sorrow... I am choosing to give up. 

After my last trip to the hospital, everything went downhill. Within days I was unable to eat because I kept choking on everything I tried to swallow. Even thickend drinks won't go down without a huge struggle, and most of the time I give up on them after a sip or two. 

I am unable to get out of bed, so I got a catheter inserted so I won't wet myself all the time. I feel disgusting, humilated, like a useless little kid. This fucking disease turned me into everyting I never wanted to become. 
But, I know the only one to blame is myself, I chose this. I chose to stay, stretching it out a little longer each day. Asking things of my body it already couldn't handle a long time ago. 

I wanted to show everybody I was strong enough to keep going. I guess I didn't realize they could see the same frail blue hands as I did. How Yoongi would feel my sunken cheeks the same as I did when I touched them. 

How they could see the feeling of shame on my face as I send everybody away when home care comes to help freshen me up a little, and how my cries of pain in these moments echo through the rest of the house. 
I was lying to everybody, including myself. 

Living- no, existing like this is pure and utter hell. 

-----

Alright, lets be real. It has been years since I worked on this story, and I actually don't expect anyone to read this anymore. BUT, the fact that I never finished this is haunting me. 

So with that being said, lets whip up one more chapter, and finally put an end to this.