The Last Breath | YoonMin

25

" My head hurts." I mumble. And even though my skin burns at the slightest human contact, Yoongi's hands have never felt so soft.

" I'm sorry.. do you want some painkillers?" He softly whispers while turning the tv on mute. I nod and lift my head a bit in order for him to get off the couch.

I couldn't do it, pushing him away again. Being with him feels free. Like, as long as I'm with him nothing can hurt me.

The sad truth though, is that everything hurts. Every smile, every move, even a single tear burns into my skin.

I hold my breath while I push myself to sit up straight, and ignore Yoongi who sits down with some painkillers and a glass of water.

" I want to go sit in the garden." I grunt and force myself to stand up on my own.

" Jim let me help y.."

I swat Yoongi's hand away when he stands up to help me.

" Leave me, I want to do it alone." I say through gritted teeth, while my hands search for anything to steady myself, and my feet struggle to put one in front of the other.

" Stop being stubborn and let me he.."

" I said leave me alone!" I spit out, and I swallow nervously at the way my voice cracked.

Out of the corner of my eyes I see my mom sitting at the dinner table. Her left hand holds a death grip on a already cold cup of tea, and her right covers her mouth trying to hold together her chaos of emotions.

I turn away from her, and continue my way to the back door. Yoongi, probably not knowing what to do, sits back down after holding back Jihyung, who was already on his way to pull me back inside.

The cold air of early spring I try to inhale does little to nothing against the aching in my lungs.
My fingers fumble with the hems my double layered sweatshirts. My eyes scan the outlines of my legs in my now way to big sweatpants. And I image how Yoongi's hands would easily wrap around them.

I follow the now vibrant blue veins against the dull colour of my skin, and I wonder why only now they remind me of rivers.

This is it. This, is all that I am. All that remains of what once was.

A perfect example of misery, of failure, a flaw in humanity.

A mistake of our maker.
And mistakes are meant to be corrected right?

Well God. If this is your doing, then fuck you fucking dickhead.
Why kill me when I'm halfway through life?
Why not call me back earlier and save me the collateral damage?

Is because I pushed Jungkook off of the big slide and breaking his wrist when we were younger?
I swear if it is god, you don't know shit about equality.

If I could, I would yell at the sky for being such a depressed baby, and aks it for once to try keeping their shit to themselves.

But clear skies don't produce rain.

So I guess that's just me.

" Your hands and lips are getting blue."

I wipe away the tears that unwillingly leave my eyes and softly sniff. " Don't mind it, you have to get used to this sight either way."

" You are disgusting Park."

" No.. just scared." I mumble, feeling a warm hand on mine.

" Scared of what?"

My throat tightens up as I open my mouth to speak, and I mutter that of which I have always spoken the contrary.

"Dying."