Alberta

Chapter Thirteen: An absence

"Allie" I call out as I knock the door for the fifteenth time. Her neighbours peek through their curtains but I don't care. Let them stare.

It has been two months and Allie is not returning a call, not one, no emails drop into my inbox, no letters, no poems, nothing. I feel like she must have felt for five years when I would send her mail and she couldn't ever reply to me. This was my karma. I was happy to accept it, but I needed to know she was okay before I could leave here. I had driven all night and through the morning to get here because something told me she wasn't okay, and the silence wasn't Allie, it wasn't right.

I called my mother the night before and she had told me that Allie hadn't been attending church or seeking out the family, she would only ever be with Harper if she left the house and they feared she may have fallen into a dark spell after the loss of the baby. Ben apparently was so concerned about her he sought help from the church, they would come by and see her apparently, drop casseroles and teachings from the conference and highlighted scriptures to help ease her suffering. The missionaries were keen to come and visit twice weekly, but Allie wouldn't leave her room until they left and Ben now described her as a shell of her former self.

"She won't answer" Ben tells me bluntly coming up behind me. He looks sad, it is etched into his features, a worry that this may be permanent and that there's nothing he feels he can do to stop it.

I walk down the steps and wrap my arms around him "I'm so sorry you are both going through this" I whisper.

He squeezes me "thanks Will" he replies without a hint of a smile, like all happiness was lost.

"Did you come here just to see Allie" he asks me. He's a little shocked at my presence. No surprise when this is only the second time I've been back here in seven years.

"Yes" I confess "I want to help" I beg "Is she in" I ask.

He nods. "She will be upstairs at the back of the house" he replies "she moved into that room when we got back from the family trip"

"She did" I ask worriedly. Allie hated sleeping alone, she never did like being the oldest with her own room, and she said it was lonely, with too much silence. "Let me in" I beg.

"It won't help" he replies, stepping onto the porch and unlocking the door.

I enter and take the steps two at a time, finding myself at the door at the back of the house in seconds. I knock but there is no reply and so I slowly turn the handle and enter. The room is bright and airy, not how I had pictured it. There are fresh paintings on the walls in Allie's room, and a canvas and paints set beside the large window that overlooks the back yard. In the distance, mountains, and I could see exactly why she would choose this room to be shut in, it was beautiful.

A sound makes me turn to the right. Allie appears from the bathroom and stops in her tracks looking to me a little confused "am I seeing things" she observes suspiciously.

"Allie" I say a little breathlessly "are you okay" I ask worriedly.

She crosses the room and wraps her arms around me "I missed you" she whispers "Do you like my new studio" she asks, letting me go and showing me her new space.

"I love it" I reply "It's the view I had from my bedroom" I observe again, looking out.

"I know. I think that's what it reminded me of when we picked this house out... your bedroom"

She turns around and smiles at me "Willa what on earth are you doing here"

I look to her, and I am perplexed. She looks well, and her aura isn't dark at all. I can see a sadness there, a sorrow, but to me she is working her way through something. She is bathed in light, painting again, something that brought her great joy her entire life, but that she hadn't touched in years. Allie's auburn hair flows glossily down her shoulders, her dress, it flows like a white canvass, and she looks, appears, ethereal. My breath is slightly taken away. "I just kept hearing you weren't yourself, you haven't been to church or seen the family... Ben is beside himself with worry... and so am I Allie"