A Gentle Disease (Joel Hokka)

(22) When the world gives you a raw deal

Sonja

Here I stood in the gym, Joe had betrayed me while he was kissing a blonde haired woman, her forearm was covered in tattoos. God, how naive was I? Betrayal! Is that it felt like? Disappointment from doctors, people and everyone in general. What was the point of crying when I brought all of this on myself? Here I was again stuck in my own thoughts, Joe pulled away from the woman. He saw my reflection in the mirror, but I just pushed past him.

"I knew it. How long have you been with her?" I whisper to him, he didn't look at me. How could you? I cleared my throat, the silence between us.

"Who is this freak?" The woman asks Joe.

"Oh I was one of his ex clients." I said simply, why should history be brought up? If it didn't mean anything to him, then it didn't mean anything to me.

"Sonja wait..." Joe said rushing after me, his large gripping my wrist and I looked at him and shook my head.

"Just leave me alone Joe! I never want to see you again." I said, while I left him standing there without an explanation. How could you explain that? It wasn't possible to explain, my life was a mess. I think it was time to focus on myself. The rain poured around me, as I let it wash all over me. It felt nice to be here alone with my thoughts. What difference would it have made if I cried?

Nothing....

I laid down on the bench thinking about my condition, all the struggles that I have dealt with and at the end of the day, it seemed the only welcoming people were your parents. My Cerebral palsy felt like a parasite that latched onto me and entered my mitochondrial, it was funny, wasn't it? It seems like the world loved to give me a raw deal, but I had to pick myself up and just dust everything off. I walked home absent mindedly, trying to get my mind off what I saw. It was time to woman up, and accept it.

I got home and decided to fill up my bathtub and just soak in there, I wanted to scrub myself off. I wanted to get rid of Joe's touch, my phone was vibrating. I saw about a hundred missed calls from Joe, some text messages from Joel. I didn't want to deal with anyone at the moment, I stripped out of my clothes and sat in the tub and began scrubbing at my skin roughly. Trying to remove any traces of Joe, but it was too late. I could feel it. I got out and took a shower, I just wanted to be alone.

Joel

I had been calling Sonja and texting, and she wasn't answering me. I was a little concerned and decided to pay her a visit after we were done in the recording studio. I was listening to Aleksi mixing the final touches of the vocals and stuff.

"What do you think?" Aleksi asks me, and I nodded while pulling my blonde hair in a messy bun.

"Yes, it sounds great man! Listen have you heard from Sonja?" I asked my black haired friend, and he shook his head 'no'. I decided that it would be a good idea to visit her and check in, I loved hanging out with her, although she was with someone else. I knew that she liked Chinese food and stuff, so I brought her favourite things and decided to head over. I found myself standing on her doorstep and I knocked, I heard shuffling behind the door.

Sonja

I got dressed in a pair of black biker shorts with a baggy Eminem shirt, I was doing my hair in a messy bun and I heard a knock on my door. I pulled on my fluffy socks and headed over to the door, I saw the blonde haired one standing there. His blue eyes glancing at me.

"Hey is it okay if we hung out? I've been calling you, and you didn't answer." Joel said, and I nodded while we walked inside, he placed the take-out bag on the coffee table, and we sank into my couch, and just stared at each other.

"Joel why are you here? As you can see that I'm not in the mood." I said, he sighs and shrugged.

"You weren't answering my calls nor texts, and I thought that I had crossed a barrier you know that night we were drunk." Joel said, I shook my head.

"Uh it was Joe...Actually I found him cheating." I whisper, Joel blue eyes glanced at me. He was a little confused about why I wasn't so fucked up about it.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, and I nodded biting my lip.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? You mean why am I not crying or snuggling up to you right now?" I asked him, he shook his head no. Honestly, I wasn't in the mood to cry especially over a man, when you're so numb.

When the world gives you a raw deal, you just expect all the disappointment. It was fine, I didn't need anyone to be here and make me seem like a damsel in distress, I wasn't that. But I wasn't, it was just an everyday occurrence for me. I liked to be left alone anyway, my solitude mattered.

Joel and I ate in silence, it was nice to have some company but at this moment. I wasn't in the mood to talk, so I played some music. Venom by Eminem was playing in the background, as we just listened to the lyrics, it really resonated with me. My mind was so caught up in the lyrics, that I just didn't care about the world anymore, I let myself listen to the lyrics and I felt a tear stream down my face.

"You're okay Sonja, it's alright let it out." Joel whispers, while I just cried there. But I had to be strong.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry on you. Thank you, Joel and you were so right about Joe, what was I thinking?" I whispered, while Joel just sighs and rubs my back in a comforting way, it felt pleasant to be comforted. But I didn't want a relationship, I just needed some time to recover.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Joel asks me with a smile, I saw that his blue eyes were staring into mine.

"Uh how about Venom and we can watch Venom let there be carnage?" I question, he nods while I pulled up Prime and put on the first Venom movie, and Joel and I just watched it together, laughing and actually enjoying ourselves. Joel and I were snuggled up under the blanket, I could hear his snores as I watched the second Venom movie. I was lost in my thoughts, Joel looked peaceful.

I had to get my priorities allied first, and just recover before I jumped into another relationship. I looked at the photos of Joe and me, I decided to delete one by one. It was time to find another physical therapist also. My time was expiring with Joe anyway, maybe the universe had something else planned for me. One day at a time.

I tried to wiggle out of Joel's arm, but he kept a tight squeeze on me which made me laugh a little.

A/N: Hey guys, I'm back! Just needed sometime away from this story. But I have written a few chapters on paper... Joe cheated! Do you think Sonja and Joel will start getting closer or will she be distant from him? - MyVictim

Song: Venom by Eminem