𝓑𝓲𝓷𝓭 S. Aizawa

Chapter 120 | Interrogation

"I'm used to everything but relationships." He said in almost a murmur. "It's easier."

"Sex, sex all the fucking time, right?" My teeth gritted. "But once that happens you find no more interest?"

I stand up, "Oh, no, Shota Aizawa?" I wrung a hand out. "Starting an actual relationship?"

I turn around and start walking to the door. "What? Has the fucking earth gone off it's axis?"

"Wait, are you serious right now?" He shouts.

"Excuse me?" I turn around and point, his eyes immediately dart to that finger. "You're gonna make claims and fuck me then back-track?"

I stomped back over to the bar that I wasn't too far away from, he watched me with a stressed expression. His eyes looked strained and tired, but they always were. His hair was a mess and all food was now forgotten.

"You only said that stuff to make me feel better right?" I could feel tears fighting me but I refused to let them win. "Promise me what I want then throw me away once you got what YOU want?"

He stared at the ground, and it almost gave me a feeling of solace at the obvious sign of maybe remorse. Almost.

"Fuck you." I yelled. "Fuck you!"

"When I said I wasn't gentle, I didn't mean just physically." He gritted.

"Oh, so because you indirectly told me you were a dick that gives you an excuse?" I sputtered a shocked laugh. "Aizawa, what the fuck?"

"You want to act like you're the victim?" He lifted his head up. "We had a damn agreement, we knew what this was going to be, don't act like a child now."

"Oh you gotta be kidding me." I scoffed, I wanted to start clawing at his throat and eyes with my fingernails. "That was in the fucking beginning you douche, we BOTH changed our minds last night, we created a new agreement."

"I can't be forced into a relationship."

I cut him off, "So you decide to just fuck me instead?" I squeeze my eyes shut. "You're basically telling me I was completely in the dark last night, you fed me with lies!"

"I can't believe I honestly thought you were being real." I say. "None of it was even remotely "real", was it?"

"N-" I cut him off again.

"It wasn't ever GOING to be real. You played me." I really thought I was about to start crying, maybe I am just a child.

"I genuinely have fallen in love with you." He admitted, walking closer to me and trying to catch my eyes. "That's real, I fucking swear."

"And you think that's enough when you only admit it because you wanted to fuck me?" My eyes shoot daggers at him when I see him try and come closer again. My anger was terrible, this man is confusing me far too much and he's contradicting himself continuously because he's backed in a corner.

"No-" I cut him off yet again.

"That's not fucking fair."

"Let me speak." He sighs frustratedly, his eyes crazed, desperate to make me believe. "I fucked up, but you have to believe what I feel for you, even outside of fucking, is real."

"How the fuck am I suppose to believe that?" I seethe. "I have no reason to believe a fucking thing you say."

"You don't." He sighs, running a hand down his exhausted face, his facial features stretching for a moment. "But it's only been a day after I faced what I really felt."

I stay silent.

"I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling or what I'm doing." He goes on. "I'm not a good person and I don't think I ever will be."

"How long am I going to have to wait, while I feel like shit the whole time?" I ask, my hand on the counter.

"Longer than a day, fuck." He turns around and puts his hands back on the opposite counter edge. "I've never done this sappy shit before."

"You've had all this time to figure out what you felt, figure out how you want to go about it." I slam my hand on the table. "You spent it torturing me!"

"How do you think I fucking feel knowing you have nothing together while you claimed you did?" I decided to scream. "While fucking me?"

"Can you stop reminding me that we fucked every second?" He says, his back turned to me and his muscles taut. "I get it, I don't need you reminding me every time I breathe, I don't think I could forget it either."

"Good, don't." I spat. "I want you to remember every single second of how you fucked me over MY OWN desk and made empty apologies."

He grimaced and spun around, slamming his hands on the counter in front of me then shouted. "Alright, what the fuck do you want me to do?"

"Did you actually even mean those apologies last night?" I tucked my hands under my arms and hugged them cover to myself, letting my eyes stare at the counter. "Or am I right, they were fucking empty?"

"Yes, of course I meant them." He said, trying to make eye contact without touching me. "It fucking eats at me that you ever felt that way, you really think I wouldn't feel bad about that?"

"How am I suppose to fucking know?" I yell, tears extremely close. "You say you're the most terrible man on the planet then you claim you feel sorry?"

He sighed, speechless, turning his head away, I took that as my chance to look up at him. His features were hardened by this conversation, his skin a little red from shouting and a 5'o clock shadow decorated his face.

"What am I suppose to think?" I lower my voice, feeling like it's time to give some hurt back where it first was given. "It's empty everything with you, you're manipulative, you're so selfish and I can't believe I even had sex with you."

He whipped his head at me. "Tell me you don't mean that, fuck, don't say that." He pleaded. "I can repeat sorry so many times please just don't regret last night, because I don't, I never will."

Tears fell, and they weren't going to stop anytime soon. "I will forever regret something that was fake in the first place, you only care about the sex itself."

"That is NOT true." He shouted, surprising me, making me jump. "I'm sorry." He said. "Last night was more than just sex." He could see that I had already faced away from him. "I'm sorry."

"What can I do?" He tried to grab for my arm but I dodged it. "What can I do to make you believe me?"

"Sweetheart, plea-"

"Don't," I pointed, my eyes puffy and tears still falling, I took a moment to strengthen my resolve. "fucking call me that."

"I'm sorry, just tell me what I can do, anything." He pleaded with me and I almost fell for it. "Please."

"I can't do this right now, shit, I need some time." I squeeze myself. "That's what I need from you right now, time."

And for the first time in a while, I meet his eyes.