Smile When You Dive In

Chapter 8

Breakfast the next day felt like torture. Regulus had finally given up taking all of his meals in the kitchen. It wasn't as though he'd stopped being appalled by the treatment of house elves, but he felt as though he was actually just getting under their feet being in the kitchen so much. On top of that, Regulus reasoned that the same amount of food was being sent up to the Great Hall whether he was there or not, so he was only being wasteful in not eating any of it. His return to the Great Hall for mealtimes had absolutely nothing to do with the events of the previous day. If he happened to sit somewhere where he could perfectly see James Potter across the room, well that was just a coincidence.

However, as much as he tried to avoid it, Carmen's revelation about people keeping that kind of thing 'hush hush' was playing on his mind. As he looked around the Great Hall, he couldn't help but wondering who was doing that, exactly. Carmen and Willa had suspected he and Crouch were, and though he certainly wasn't, could the same be said of Crouch? When he saw Sirius lean in to whisper something into Lupin's ear, he debated whether they did. Perhaps the lot of them did, and that was why Potter had been so ready to kiss Regulus. But if the thought of kissing Crouch was an upsetting one, it was nothing compared to thinking about James Potter kissing his brother, so he quickly put that out of his mind.

Those images were easy enough to cast from his mind, having been created solely by Regulus' imagination. His mind was still flooded with images of Potter kissing him, though. He couldn't be blamed for that one, it had been Potter that said it. Or wrote it, rather. With time to reflect on it (time in which Regulus had done very little else), he decided that he would have let Potter kiss him, if he had tried. Not because he fancied him or anything like that, but because it would mean he no longer had to think about it. Regulus wouldn't have to wonder if Potter's lips would feel soft against his. Wouldn't have to wonder what it would be like. In his head, it varied wildly. Most of the time when he pictured it, it happened just as it had almost happened, Potter being assertive and holding him in place. But occasionally, just enough to mess with Regulus' certainty and make him think about it for longer, he'd picture it happening elsewhere. On the pitch, or in the library, with James as embarrassed as he had been when he told Regulus. By lunchtime, Regulus had come to a horrifying conclusion. He had to kiss James Potter.

As it turned out, that was easier thought than done. For a start, Regulus didn't see Potter for the rest of the day, or at all the next day. Maybe it was a coincidence, or maybe Potter was avoiding him; they didn't ordinarily spend enough time in each other's company for Regulus to be sure. Even if he had seen Potter, the opportunity probably still wouldn't arise, he realised. When he wasn't with Carmen or Willa, he was being followed by Snape or Selwyn, and there was rarely a time that Potter wasn't seen in the company of his friends. With the whole Sirius-telling-Snape thing apparently behind them, they were as inseparable as they had been before. Regulus would have to orchestrate a way to be alone with him, and that wasn't something he could rush. If he wasn't so sure she'd be talking about it for the rest of eternity, Regulus would have considered asking Carmen for help.

On Wednesdays, Regulus had Astronomy with the Ravenclaws at midnight, which meant that when the sixth years finished potions at three, he would be on a free period. It seemed easy enough to wait for Potter outside the classroom, and ambush him. Regulus planned on casually telling him that Flitwick was looking for him, which would get him away from his friends. After that, he thought that it would be easy. Except that he never got far enough into his plan to find out.

He had positioned himself at the corner, so that he could pretend to be passing as he spotted James. Unfortunately for him, Snape was in a rush to leave the classroom, and breezed past Regulus before he even caught sight of the Gryffindors.