Smile When You Dive In

Chapter 30

On the morning of Regulus' departure, he got into something of an argument with his mother. Of course, it was nothing compared to the screaming matches she used to have with Sirius, but it was probably the closest Regulus had ever had. Over breakfast, Walburga was quite adamant that Regulus should return home as often as possible during his final two years at school so that he could begin to take a more active role in the family's business. Regulus disagreed, and his father felt no particular way about it, which put Walburga and her youngest son at loggerheads. It wasn't as though Regulus was trying to shirk his responsibilities. But he had enough trouble getting along with his dorm mates as it was, without tottering off home to his mother every other weekend. If he was ever going to work things out with James, minimising their time together like that was a horrific prospect. There was also the small matter of it interfering with Voldemort's meetings, something his mother would likely be more understanding of. But without the former reasons, it didn't sound much of an argument, and he certainly wasn't going to be discussing either of those things with Walburga.

Instead, Regulus told her that he worried being at home so often would interfere with his studies. There were no exams in sixth year, but if Regulus was going to get the results in his NEWTs that his parents expected, he had to study as though there were. Unconvinced of his argument, the Black matriarch began sifting through her son's thoughts for anything she considered to be incriminating. Even before Sirius had left, she'd been a suspicious woman and his leaving certainly hadn't helped that. It was the first time since Sirius left that she had done it to Regulus though, and he panicked. Back then, he had nothing to hide from his mother apart from the hurtful things that Sirius had said about her. There were still a fair few of those, but more concerning to Regulus was all of the memories of James that immediately flooded to his mind when she began to ask him questions and he felt the telling pull of her intrusion.

Occlumency had never been something Regulus had been very interested in, given that he was usually so obedient and thus inclined to honesty. But that wasn't to say he had never tried. Sirius had seemed particularly desperate to master it the summer after his fourth year and so equally desperate to prove himself useful, Regulus joined the covert operation. Sirius was better at it than him, of course. Though, Sirius had always had more to hide.

Employing every trick he remembered from Sirius, Regulus had pictured James melting into the background of his mind. To the forefront, he brought Carmen and Willa. Good, Slytherin, Pureblood girls. Girls his mother should theoretically have approved of, if his mother had been capable of liking anybody. He remembered a conversation that he'd had with Willa about Voldemort, when she'd asked him to introduce the two of them to him. Regulus had said no at the time, still skeptical himself. Thinking on it under Walburga's intense gaze, he wasn't sure he had much of a reason not to now, beyond liking the way the other men there talked to him. They spoke to Regulus as a comrade, as one of their own. If he brought along his school friends, they might suddenly remember that he was only a teenager and lose any respect they had garnered for him over the past months.

"What are you hiding from me?" Walburga had accused, lips pursing and brow creasing.

"Nothing." He had lied, deciding he had better change tack. Mentally, he pushed through as many memories as Carmen as he possibly could. While he would never say that he preferred her to Willa, she was definitely more touchy-feely with him and thus better suited his purpose. He thought about the two of them kissing in the greenhouse, her hands cupping his face firmly as she sought to prove something. There was the time he had dragged her out into the pouring rain and she had hugged him so closely that it looked as though they were kissing again. The countless times she had kissed his cheek or he had hugged her, or they had linked arms or teased one another. He recalled sneaking into the girls' dorm and lounging about with Carmen and Willa. Finally and rather accidentally, he remembered sneaking into the cellar of Honeydukes with the girls. That one hadn't been part of his intentional misdirect given the company they had at the time and the fact that he knew his mother would disapprove of such normal teenage behaviour as sneaking to a sweet shop in the nighttime. Even so, he knew that she had seen it and so did his best to focus on Carmen as she had stepped through the doorway of the cellar, golden dusty light illuminating her as she took in the room and giggled mischievously. If his mother was at all convinced by this little display, she made no show of it.