Smile When You Dive In

Chapter 35

If there was one thing Regulus should have kept in mind about Carmen, it was that she found it almost impossible to keep a secret. She could do it when necessary, as proved by her silence on Regulus' relationship with James, or her own with Willa. But if she didn't see the importance of keeping quiet, then asking her to was frankly a lost cause. Once Regulus had given his hypothetical assent to her proposal, it became immediately apparent that they had differing views on how they were going to proceed. Regulus had assumed that they'd keep it to themselves, announce it only when the time came, or when it became necessary to fend off her overbearing mother and his controlling one. A part of Regulus hadn't even considered that they were being completely serious, expecting Carmen to move on to some new mad idea the following week. He had no such luck on that front, and by the same dinnertime, it was all their housemates were discussing.

Montague and Flynn had twice congratulated him on his 'upcoming nuptials', while Shafiq had commented on how his children with Willa might have been taller, the suggestion that they'd be good on the pitch implied. Regulus wasn't quite sure what to say to that one. Had he really been in love with Carmen, he was sure it would've been a very unwelcome comment. Selwyn had only scoffed and wished Regulus luck, saying that he hoped he had more luck with her than he did. After their date, Selwyn hadn't mentioned anything to Regulus directly, but Carmen heard from one of the other girls that he'd called her 'frigid'. Regulus thought it very lucky for the boy's sake that he'd never said that in his presence. He wasn't a violent person, would surely get a laugh if he suggested he'd fight Selwyn, but still he'd do it to defend Carmen's honour. So at that remark to Regulus, he'd given no response, knowing the bored silence would irritate him more than laying down a gauntlet would hurt him. As for the other girls, they apparently questioned Carmen's taste but agreed that it was a technically fine match. Only the muggleborn girl in their dorm, Cecelia Cross, had something negative to say, believing they were rushing into things. Regulus privately agreed with her on that.

With Carmen's tongue getting ahead of them both, Regulus considered the fact that he'd perhaps have to mention their arrangement to his mother much sooner than he'd planned. He and Carmen had laughed at the prospect that his mother would hate her as his wife, but deep down he knew that it was a very real possibility. He'd spend the rest of his life torn between pleasing his mother and pleasing his wife. When he overheard a couple of Ravenclaw fifth years talking about what Carmen was telling people, he realised that simply dreading his mother's reaction would not be enough. He'd have to write to her, do some damage control.

Regulus sat in one corner of the owlery, the one he used to loiter in while he waited for James to come and meet him, and struggled over the details he wanted to share. It was his mother, so he didn't think any normal teenage boy would spend pages waxing lyrical about the girl they planned on marrying, and by that reasoning he didn't think he should overdo it trying to convince her of his attraction to Carmen. But equally, Regulus didn't want to make it seem he was asking his mother's permission. He'd be seventeen soon, legally of age, and more than old enough to make the kind of decisions that would alter the course of his life. After all, wasn't he doing that in agreeing to take the mark? Telling his mother that he wanted to marry a pureblood Slytherin girl shouldn't have been as difficult as he was finding it. All around him were the scrapped attempts.

Mother,

You previously asked about my intentions to marry. Well, I was speaking to Carmen, and

Mother,

I'm writing to let you know that I've asked Carmen to marry me. I hope you'll have no objections to this, because

Mother,

It should come as no surprise to you that

Mother,

It's still perhaps a little early to be discussing marriage by modern standards. Bella and Cissa were both older than I am when they secured their matches. However, I know that you were much younger than I was, and yours and father's is a match that has worked out wonderfully. With that in mind, Carmen and I have agreed to be married once we're out of school. As you know, she's pureblood and looks forward to having children in the future, so I'm sure you'll be pleased with the match. If not

Regulus found it difficult to speak to his mother at the best of times, so in times where he was preparing for an argument and trying to stay firm, he felt that he was incapable of completing a simple thought. He couldn't say the kind of things Sirius would, that it was none of her business, or that he didn't need her permission to marry, even if they had crossed his mind. So instead, he grumbled and scrunched up pieces of parchment and thanked his lucky stars that Germana was sleeping soundly, so that he couldn't impulsively send any of the terrible letters he'd begun. Perhaps it would all be alright, and Walburga would hear their news through the grapevine. Rodolphus and Lucius seemed to keep their ears to the ground, so it was possible they'd hear news of it. Lucius was the less likely of the two, since his main source of information was Snape, and Regulus very much doubted his love life was the sort of thing Lucius and Snape discussed in their correspondence.

Before he hid the shameful attempts at owning his own life at the bottom of his bag and retreated to the castle, he walked the rows of sleeping owls to find the place where his sat, hooting softly to herself. The smell would've been off-putting to most, but Regulus had never really minded. Not when the birds could be so comforting in times when he wanted to sulk or needed imaginary advice from a friendly face, and one who wouldn't judge him or argue with him at that. He ran one finger over the bump of her head, gently so as not to wake her. Germana shifted, stood a little taller where she rested and something caught Regulus' eye. By her foot was a small scroll, tied to her with thin black ribbon. How long had that been there? Had she been unable to find it when she'd received it, or had somebody given her instructions to keep hold of it for some reason. Perhaps the sender had planned on Regulus reading it over breakfast the next day. Of course, it was just as possible that another student had tied it to the wrong owl by mistake and Germana had refused to deliver the letter.

Anybody else would likely have just ripped it from her foot and put the mystery to bed. Not Regulus. Instead, he continued to wonder about it and felt the rough surface of the parchment beneath his fingertips. The list of people who would write to him was relatively short, and the fact that the note was not in a sealed envelope meant that the contents could probably not be very important. A few months prior and he'd have assumed it was a note from James, asking him to meet somewhere. But now that seemed less likely than Walburga writing to him and suggesting that he marry Carmen herself. He hadn't given much thought to James finding out what they'd agreed, and it occurred to him that maybe he had, and had written a note to Regulus on the subject. He didn't want to get his hopes up, but no better option was coming to mind. No longer able to resist, and not wanting to be interrupted before he could read the note, he carefully lifted Germana up so that he could untie the ribbon and unfold the parchment. On it was two words. The handwriting one he'd recognise anywhere, one he'd seen dozens of times by then and one that managed to make him nervous somehow, just by the insinuated presence. It was far more controlled than James' was, and left no room for discussion.

It's time.