Smile When You Dive In

Chapter 28

Carmen's hand was smaller than Regulus' and never as warm as James', even in the July heat as they stood hand-in-hand on the train platform. Having sensed his inner turmoil, the girl had been all but glued to Regulus' side over the past week or so. She hadn't asked any questions, which he suspected had something to do with Willa, but it was obvious that the two of them had pieced together enough because neither one of them brought up James' name. If anything, that only added to his gloom. Regulus had spent days trying to track him down, and knowing all the while that he was probably using his map to avoid running into Regulus. His sudden absence, paired with the radio silence from the girls almost made it feel as though it had never happened in the first place.

Regulus was distracted in the last of his exams, and stopped caring altogether about the Quidditch Cup. At least when Gryffindor won the Cup, it gave him an excuse to sulk that his teammates and the boys in his dorm accepted. Montague tried to console Regulus one night when he found him in a bad mood, pointing out that they were only in fifth year and that they still had two more years to win the Cup. Absently, Regulus thought about the men who had asked about Quidditch at his last meeting with the Dark Lord and the fact that he would have to report back their loss, that they'd all know what a huge disappointment he was all round.

While they waited on the platform, Slughorn was busy calling the first years onto the train. They let the smaller ones on first so that they didn't get trampled, and so that the seventh years could say their final tear-filled goodbyes. Regulus watched them and couldn't help but think about the fact that in a year's time, it would be James and Sirius saying their final goodbyes. Even if he managed to patch things up with James, how would they manage that?

"Reggie, are you even listening to me?" Carmen asked, yanking at his hand to get his attention.

"No, sorry." He tried to make his face look apologetic, but couldn't stretch to pretending that he had been listening. Carmen only huffed.

"Stop sulking, will you? He's over there." She said, and then lifted their joined hands to motion over to where James stood with his friends. Sirius was talking quickly, gesturing with his hands to Lupin and Pettigrew. Lily was there too, though she didn't look very amused by whatever Sirius was saying. She was standing next to James, though thankfully didn't seem to have captured his attention. He was looking their way when Carmen pointed at him, and started to walk towards them. Carmen let out a sound that might as well have been 'whoops', and Regulus groaned.

When James reached them, he had his hands in his pockets and greeted them with a "hey," as though it were perfectly normal for him to be approaching them in public. He didn't say anything more than that though, and Regulus didn't know what to say either. Carmen looked between the two of them, and then dropped Regulus' hand.

"I'll leave you boys to it, I'm going to find Willa."

They were as alone as Regulus could see them being, though he had briefly considered cornering James once they were on the train if the boy decided to leave his carriage. James looked awkward, but not angry. That had to be a good sign, right?

"Look, I shouldn't have gone off at you like I did. You just... caught me off guard." He said, and one hand went up to rub at the back of his neck nervously.

"That's okay. I'm sorry for springing it on you like that." Regulus had given his apology a lot of thought over the past week. He wouldn't apologise for what he had said, or for what he thought. He stood by that. But it was obvious that he hadn't handled it very well. Maybe if he had talked to James about it when he first went to meet Voldemort, he would have been more understanding. He wouldn't feel as though Regulus was keeping things from him, at least. Though they were standing in the middle of a crowded train platform, he tried to convey something to James that would make him soften.