Our way to each other | Binwoo

sixteen

"I want us to go out."

"We can do that, you know?"

"I won't be able to hold your hand," said Bin as he kept intertwining his fingers with Eunwoo's.

"Ugh..." Eunwoo let out a sigh. "You're so clingy."

Bin started to pull his hand away.

"No, no, wait," said Eunwoo as he caught his boyfriend's hand. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I love holding hands with you."

"I'm sorry. Maybe I love you too much."

Eunwoo opened his eyes widely as he didn't hear such words from Bin till now. But obviously, he heard it when Bin confessed.

"You look confused. I know you told me you had feelings for me but you didn't mention what kind of feelings. I'm not blind, you don't love me. Maybe you like me but not love. And I'm okay with it, I don't need you to tell me those words. Just tell me this when you feel you love me. If you feel you love me. I wanted to tell you that yesterday but you fell asleep." Bin pulled his hand back and added. "Now let's order anything to eat." Then he smiled and left the room.

Eunwoo couldn't stop thinking about Bin's words. He knew that what Bin said wasn't a lie. The boy didn't love him... maybe? Eunwoo was confused with his feelings. He didn't even say Mina he loved her because those words have a deep meaning. And sadly enough, he couldn't say it even to Bin, the boy with whom he has been friends since school days. When he says this, he wants to be sure that he isn't lying to himself and to the person he says these words to. Although he felt bad for Bin. The boy endured a lot and now, when they are finally together, his boyfriend can't say he feels it on the same level. It must be heartbreaking.

'-'

The 14th of June, 2017.

"How did it happen?"

"How did I fall in love with you?"

"Yes. You didn't tell me."

The two boys were lying on the bed, facing each other.

"Remember the day... back in 2014, when I ran out of the practice room and then you found me crying in another room? When you told me I shouldn't give up but even if I decide to leave the agency, you'd respect my decision and would support me."

"Yeah, I remember."

"It was the day. I felt thankful for you and I also felt some kind of responsibility after that."

Eunwoo couldn't find the right words to say so Bin continued.

"I think it was the moment when you planted a seed of love for you in my heart. When I was crying and you were hugging me, I..." the boy paused to rethink what he wanted to say. "I wanted to kiss you that day. I didn't know why. It was confusing and I had never felt that way before. I was scared and disgusted by myself."

"Disgusted? Why?"

"You hear me? I wanted to kiss you, the boy. I was having a terrible period in my life and then gay thoughts started appearing as if what I had already had wasn't enough."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be. You didn't do anything."

"But you hated yourself, didn't you?" Asked Eunwoo who was about to cry as he felt a lump in his throat, ready to cry and whose voice sounded worried.

"I did."

"Oh my god, Bin. How long did it take you to accept who you are?"

"Too long," said Bin, understanding that sometimes he still hates himself. When he's around Eunwoo or just thinks of him, he feels happy but if he goes deeper in his thoughts, he digs up all the pain he had and still has. "Let's talk about you."

"What about me? I told you already."

"Yeah," said the boy in a drawl. "You mentioned your 'heart problems' and the fact that you wanted to hug you without any reason. That's all."

"You want to hear more?"

"Yeees!"

"I have nothing more to say."

"I don't know how to feel about it."

"Okay. It happened several times... when you came out of the shower, I... I can't."

"Nooo, tell me, now I'm interested."

"I admired your body... I mean your physical and my thoughts... don't get me as a weirdo, but I wanted to touch your abs."

"Wow," said Bin in response and pursed his lips.

"That's what I thought."

And the boys stayed silent.

"By the way," Eunwoo started again. "Remember you told me you hadn't had your first kiss? It means I'm your first?" Asked the boy and smirked.

"Yes."

"You're too good at kissing, I may think you're lying."

"But I'm not."

"And remember you said you were waiting for the right person? You meant..."

"I meant you, yes."

After a little pause, Eunwoo quickly said "Kiss me."

And Bin covered Eunwoo's lips with his. The first kiss was soft but then Bin bit and pulled his boyfriend's lower lip. They broke away from each other and looked into each others' eyes.

"Why did you stop?" Asked Eunwoo who was already out of breath.

"I heard someone's steps."

"The boys knock anyway before entering the room."

"I know, I thought someone would knock right now."

"No one did that," replied the older and, taking by the chin, lowered Bin's head, who was leaning on his hands and was on top of Eunwoo. He wanted another kiss but was interrupted by the sound near his lower body.

The phone that was in his jeans pocket started ringing. The atmosphere was ruined and Eunwoo just let out an irritated sigh.

————————————————————————
Even if the boys were close friends for so long, they still have a lot to know about each other.

Thanks for reading <3