10 Minutes

"Okay"

December 31.2021

Sanem watched the fireworks light up the sky. She had a perfect view from her balcony and it was a crystal clear night with the stars out shining brightly down onto the celebrations below. She turned and looked at Can who instead of looking up at the sparkling lights was looking at her. She could feel the intensity of his stare even before she turned to him. She had invited him into her rooms because the view was the best there. Now as she stood watching him watch her she thought it might have been a mistake. Too close and too soon. However she wasn't sorry. She was glad they were close but she knew that what was happening between them was as fragile as a newborn lamb. Anything could bring injury and pain but there could also be courage and growth and from that strength. She smiled while looking down and then away from him and pointed to the spray of light above them "beautiful, amazing right?" And he responded softly "evet, çok guzel". She didn't look back, she didn't have to. She knew he was referring to her. They spent another half hour or so before she remembered the champagne and the obligatory toast. He chuckled as she ran out of the room and soon returned with two cups and a bottle of perrier. "Where's the champagne?" He asked with a grin to which she responded "I don't think it will go to well with your medications. Safety first". As the clock wound down, they counted the last few seconds of 2021 and in unison yelled "happy new year"! They toasted with the cups and drank all the while looking up at the sky above them and then back to each other. Sanem felt awkward suddenly not knowing really how to end the evening. She was about to speak when Can spoke up and it nearly broke her resolve not to embrace him when that's exactly what she wanted most to do. "Sanem, I will never forgive myself for what I did to us. To you. I know now that if you can't forgive me, it is no less than what I deserve. I only hope that you know, deep down in your heart; that no matter what I said or did, I never once stopped loving you. I tried, but it was no use. You are imprinted on my heart like the tattoo on my chest. If this is our last new years celebration together I will never forget it. I will never forget you. Please don't ask me to separate myself completely from you. I know when this is over, and I've recovered completely; you may wish to put me aside and.... and although it is not what I want... I... I promise to try and respect your wishes ... but it won't be easy. It will be the hardest thing I'll ever do Sanem because I.... I love you. I love you more today than I did when I asked you to marry me and I will...." Sanem raised her hand, asking him to stop. She couldn't hear anymore, she couldn't. Her heart had been crushed but since his return it had begun to beat again. She feared his declaration of love more than the pain she had already endured. "Can... there is so much to say.. so much to talk about but I don't know where to begin or even how. I'm.... afraid. I believe you and what you're saying but I don't know that I can trust you or my own heart for that matter. I can't promise you anything other than to listen to you but....I want you to know that I forgave you the moment I saw you again when you came out of surgery. My mind and my heart have forgiven you Can but I'm not sure that is enough. I don't want to hurt you because I would just be hurting myself. I gave you my whole heart and soul Can, I gave you so much power over me that when you left me, I disappeared and it has taken a long time to find myself again. I know that someone framed me in order to hurt you and your family. There was a lot of evidence that pointed at me and then there was all your insecurities that played in as well. I know all this and yet all I remember was the man that I loved more than myself abandoning me after loving me and giving me hope".... Can wheeled his chair over to where she stood and pleaded soflty with tear filled eyes, "Sanem.... I....I was a fool and I..." She nodded and spoke "Can.... I have forgiven you but it still hurts so much and it's left such a mark on me that..." He quickly reached for her hand and took it, holding it with all his might "please Sanem, I only want one thing. Please let me be your friend. Let me show you that you can trust me. Again. That you can rely on me once more and that you can confide in me like before. I won't ask any more of you other than the chance to be your friend again. If there is no chance for anything more than I will live with it but let me at least be by your side once more. Please". He watched her eyes filled with tears and his heart felt her pain. She looked away from him and wiped her face and still she didn't answer. He clung to her hand like a lifeline and then she turned back to him and nodded..."Arkadaş then Can Divit. Let us be Arkadaş". He held tight to her hand and then pumped it, shaking on it like friends who had struck a deal. He felt a wave of relief come over him and then a momentary sadness as he thought about what could have been. There might yet be a chance for them but for now he would be the best friend she ever had.