10 Minutes

"What is that man doing here?"

Can hung his head between his arms as his lungs burned while his mouth remained dry as sand. He had not touched a drink since that night and he wouldn't now, not while his heart and mind dealt with the cruel but bitter truth that was Sanems torture and loss. All because of him, because of his lack of trust and arrogance. He had felt himself so far above her and had humbled her into desperately leaving the country keeping her pregnancy a secret. Now, as she slept peacefully in their bed, he watched her and wondered what life might have looked like had he been a better man. A man of integrity rather than pride. A man of valor instead of resentments. He watched her intake of breath and her stillness made her beauty hit him that much harder. "You can be sure of that".  The final words of Alejandro Karaja swirled around in his head. That bastard had hit him where it hurt the most. He had pealed back a layer of raw emotion that exposed his blame, his disloyalty and his weakness for explosive anger. He had spoken the truth and it shamed him more than anything else he had said. It was all true. He had been the reason for all of Sanems pain and her ultimate loss. Now, after all this time, he had somehow miraculously won her back only to find out how his cruelty had affected her. She had been pregnant when she left. Pregnant, rejected, sorrowful and hopeless. She had believed he had abandoned her completely. That he had forgotten her in the arms of another and that she had been unworthy of even a single word from him.  She had left "broken". That word had sounded so awful when Osman had spoken it that time before, but now he understood what it had really meant. Osman and Emre had known and yet they had never said a single thing to him. She had forbidden it no doubt. His head dropped into his palms and his breath caught as the sound of his own anguished moan escaped his lips. The wet of his tears stained his face and dropped upon the cold tiles of the room as his eyes swam with the red hot pain of his actions. The real possibility that Sanem might be barren due to her miscarriage had left him questioning his decision to keep her with him at any cost. As much as he hated to admit it, had he not walked back into her life she would probably even now be married to that damned self assured man that had been her rescuer, her savior; where he instead had been her abuser, her punishment for a love so great. She had gone to extensive measures to bring his father and him back together and what was her recompense... He lifted his face slowly as his eyes fell upon her slightly parted lips and his heart clenched with pain and love and regret. How could he have done so much damage to the one person who had loved him more than he loved himself. He half crawled over to her side of the bed and knelt by her. With shaking hands he gingerly moved a stray silky strand of hair away from her face while he stared at her with a heart torn open with shame and fear. How could she love him forever? Would she grow to resent him, blame him, hate him as time passed? Would they remain childless? Would she leave him? His mind raced and his heart pounded as every possible scenario of their lives imploding into a million pieces flashed before him. His heart seemed to stop as his name sounded in his ears softly. "Can? Sevgilim...what are..Can?..." He couldn't look her in the face and so he buried his in her neck and pulled her close, almost off the bed. He heard her soft murmurs and then felt her lips kissing his face, his neck, his throat as she repeated his name and her vow of love for him. He could scarcely breath a full breath and he shuddered, feeling as a cold sweat seemed to overcome him. He was terrified to his core for the first time in his life. She was everything to him. His very heart and soul it was torture to know that he had hurt her so profoundly and so completely. He had destroyed her. He deserved nothing from her and he felt sure that one day soon she would come to the same conclusion and walk out of his life without so much as a second look back. The knowledge of that made him tremble in her arms that had locked around him like a vise. He didn't deserve her and he never would.

Sanem closed the door to their bedroom and quietly made her way down the stairs to the kitchen.
She needed something strong to shake the thoughts of the night from her head but she wanted to be clear minded with what she intended to do. She walked out onto the back patio and into the small garden that provided a respite from the emotional upheaval they both had gone through. The flowers and greenery lightened her mood and soon she was digging in the earth, grounding herself and her mind. She needed space and time to think clearly and keep a cool head. Her heart was fluttering wildly in her chest but she kept working in the soil and soon she felt lighter, freer and whole. Alejandro had stirred up more than just memories of a time she would be more than happy to never think of again. He had hit hard and true but he hadn't weekend her love for the man who was sleeping in her bed. The man who had fathered her first child. The man who had left her alone and rudderless. The man who had haunted her every dream. The man who had seemingly tossed her away. No. She could not deny the hurt, the fear or the toll she had endured. But in its place grew a strong and determined woman. A woman who understood her own mind and could make her own choices in the face of upheaval. She had been wrong to leave. She had shown as little trust and loyalty to her own parents as Can had shown to her. She had also been cruel in her refusal to speak to him. She had not known what she had done to him as well. They had suffered alone but as one. Her broken heart had mirrored his as well. They had lost their way, but in his return to her; had found love and life again. What Alejandro couldn't  understand was that this renewed love had arisen from the grave to be reborn into an everlasting promise of hope and faith and gratitude. He would never leave her again. This she knew in her core. She trusted him and that was something those broken memories could not wash away. She rose and looked up at the morning sun and thanked the heavens for this newfound strength and peace. Tomorrow would have plenty of trials but today there would be peace.