10 Minutes

Awake....

December 29, 2021

Cold sweat. Nothing felt worse than the feeling of moist skin, raised flesh, a pounding heart, disorientation and fear. The smell of fear smelled of oil and gasoline, dirt and fire. It filled his nostrils and threatened to cut off his airway. No matter where he turned or how hard he screamed he couldn't hear his own voice through the sounds of crunching glass, scraping metal and the roar of the engine. The cloud of dust and smoke that permeated the air around him prevented him from seeing clearly and then darkness enveloped him. The feeling of icy hands pulling him down a vast emptiness sent his body into wave after wave of shock as the currents of adrenaline shot through him until his eyes flew open and were filled with the only face he cared to see again. Moments passed one after the other until the saliva in his mouth wetted his tongue and he was able to mouth the only word he cared to say.... "Sanem?". It was a question and a name a feeling and a promise. His mind pleaded with her "Please don't go. Don't leave me again". Then.. he awoke as he always did, covered in sweat and with his heart racing, looking about the room, making sure he was still there. Still in the place she had brought him. Still with her. Awake and with her. "You're  still here. She hasn't abandoned you when you need her the most. She is loyal and true and the gentlest soul. You were a fool to ever doubt that and a bigger fool to have walked away from the only person you have ever loved. If you have an ounce of intelligence in that banged up head of your's you will do as she says, when she says and how she says. Allah may have been generous with you a second time by giving you your life and this opportunity to be near her but...." Baba, please don't say it. I know. I.... I just need some time. That's all". Aziz looked down at his son and with a soft smile and a knowing nod said "Ah my son, that is something I'm afraid we all have so little of". Can looked around the room and back to his father at his bedside and asked "where is she? I haven't seen her since the day before yesterday. Did she leave? Is she coming back? Where...." Aziz raised his hand and patted his sons arm and said "she stayed the night in San Jose. The children's hospital open house was last night, another chance to fund raise, and rather than taking the return trip by night, with all the traffic of the new year abounding,she remained at the hotel. She called last night to check on your status. You were asleep so I didn't wake you. She should be on her way back. Don't worry son." Can felt relief shoot through him like a drug and he let his shoulders slump back as he breathed fully. The pain in his leg throbbed reminding him that try as he might he still needed to take the damn pain killers although he had reduced them already by a third. They made him groggy and listless and that was time he couldn't spend with her. His father spoke the truth when he said that there was little time. He feared the moment when he was well enough to leave the sanctuary of her home. The ocean, the wide open space, and her. In reality that was all he needed. "I'll let the nurse know you are awake and get the cook to prepare your breakfast. Remember, do as you're told and you'll be on the mend soon". He nodded as his dad left the room and marveled at just how far they had come since he had learned of the revelation regarding his mother. He looked out the window as he pondered her request to come and see him. She had almost come but Aziz had delayed her, preferring for Can to be well enough to decide for himself. Now as he lay there he wondered if he could ever really come to terms with what he had learned. She was his mother and she had loved him dearly but she also lied to him, or at the very least allowed his father to carry a burden and the intolerance and rebuke of his own children without merit. Why? She was a loving and devoted mother and had been a good wife to Aziz. He had felt it and remembered that very clearly. They had their troubles when he was older and almost out of high school and by the time he was out of college their marriage lay in shambles and his sister had seen the worst of it. He reached for his phone and scrolled to her name... "Annem" he debated but soon texted a response to her message from days before. "I'm better. Give me some time. I don't understand and I have questions but I'm not ready to hear the answers just yet. I'm not sure how to deal with this but I'm nobody to judge you. I have my own faults to make up for. I will call you soon...when I'm ready..... and Anne.... Seni seviyorum".
He scrolled down a little further and saw the word "Askim". His finger pressed the name so the text box appeared. He stared at it wanting desperately to write something but before he could a knock at the door stopped him and he called for the person to enter. There stood his nemesis, the nurse Sanem had hired. She was older, strong and no nonsense. She spoke fluent English so communication was not the problem. The problem was she wouldn't put up with his nonsense and his attempt to charm her into doing as he pleased hadn't worked either. He almost laughed when she had told him "listen sonny , my husband was an Olympic swimmer with a body like a god. We had three wonderful children and nearly forty years of marriage before he passed from cancer.  When my grown son in law was diagnosed with ALS I cared for him until he passed as well. I've seen it all and whatever you have hidden beneath those sheets won't surprise me, scare me or embarrass me. Now don't give me any trouble or I'll tell the beautiful and sweet girl who hired me and I can tell she won't like it one little bit either". He half smiled-grimaced at her when she entered. "Good morning nurse Elvira. How are you this morning?". To his surprise she seemed much less militant and a little more friendly. "Well, thank you Señor Divit. Shall we begin?" It really wasn't a question but the way she posed it was better than he expected from her. He nodded and as she approached she said "Señorita Sanem has arrived and will see you after your bath. I will assume that alone will make you less troublesome today?". Well now he knew why the attitude had been better. Sanem could charm a snake, and while she wasn't that she was more akin to a pit bull. He smiled his best Divit smile and allowed himself to be helped to a sitting position. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the goal. He would see Sanem soon and he'd be damned if he stunk while doing so. He looked back at the tall older woman and honestly smiled "Alright boss, let's get this over with".